Never Know
by palmtree4665
Summary: What would Chuck and Blair's relationship become after a few years? Dair story. Rated M for a reason. Warnings: Abuse and language.
1. Chapter 1

**Summary:This is what I think that Blair and Chucks relationship would turn out, because no matter what people say, they have an abusive relationship.**

**Authors note: This started out as a one shot but I think I want to continue it. It will be a Dair fic. Depending on the reviews and if people want me to continue it I will. Also, if you're a Chuck or a Chair fan you probably won't like this so continue on to another fic.  
Other than that, I really hope you like it!**

The first time it happened she didn't even think about it, Chuck was upset and needed to let out some frustration and she was being a "particular stubborn bitch" as he called it. He had been trying to get some company to sign over to Bass Enterprises but they turned him down. Blair herself was in a bad mood, nothing had gone the way she planned that day. But when Chuck came home, she decided to let him vent about his day, after all, he needed too more than her.

"You're not listening!" He had growled suddenly and shook her, before pushing her down on the sofa.

The second time it happened she didn't think much of it. She was at a fashion event in Paris, where she and Chuck had been living for the past couple of years. She had been talking to one of the male models, talking about maybe hiring him as the new male face for Waldrof designs when all of a sudden Chuck appeared by her side. Scotch in hand, hooded eyes; Chuck always seemed to be drunk these days. He grabbed her upper arm and excused them before dragging her away. The grip on her arm only tightened as he was hissing at her to stop flirting with other men. She didn't notice the bruises on her arm until the next day.

The third time it happened she understood why he did it; she was the one who was wrong. They were playing yet another game, not because it was exciting for her, but Chuck still seemed to enjoy it. They were playing one of his favorites, he was her master, and she needed to be punished. His hand was at her shoulder, then suddenly at her waist, gripping like a vice. She flinched but didn't push him away. His hands were clutching her body, his nails sunk in her skin. She was too afraid to tell him to stop, she didn't want to make him angry. Later that night she observed her body in the full length mirror in the bathroom when Chuck came in behind her.

"Why did you do that to me?" She whispered, tears in her eyes.

"You didn't stop me." He responded dryly.

He was right, she didn't stop him, it was her own fault.

The fourth time was the first time she was the first time she feared for her life. Chuck had come home late, and drunk out of his mind. Blair had been sitting at her desk in her study; working for fashion week was coming up. He was mumbling something about Bass enterprises going downhill before taking her hand and led her to the bedroom. She said no when he took her dress of, she had a lot of work to do. She pushed him away gently but before she knew it, she was back in his arms, his hand at her throat. He was pushing her against a wall, the pressure of his hand becoming stronger. Her airways tightened under the weight and she was gasping for air.

"You're mine Blair!" He hissed against her ear, "You don't tell me no." he continued in a much calmer tone.

She was starting to feel faint, but she managed a nod which seemed to please him because he was letting her go.

"I'm sorry." She let out between deep inhales of breath.

The fifth time it happened she didn't leave the apartment for days. They had been arguing. She was telling him about her needing to go back to New York for fashion week but Chuck wouldn't hear it. She was going to stay here in Paris, with him, she was after all his. The fury in her was let out when he said this, it was her job, her life, and he was forbidding her to live it.

"You cannot control me Chuck!" She screamed at him. And before she thought it through she let out a low "Dan would never do this to me."

Then all that was heard was his hand, connecting with her cheek. The force of the slap pushed her to the ground and for a minute all they did was look at each other in silenced chock. Her cheek was stinging, her hand felt the heat radiating from her skin, there would definitely be a bruise.

"Blair," Chuck spoke suddenly, his voice filled with regret "Blair I'm so so sorry!" He knelt by her side and picked her up and slowly carried her to their bed. He kept repeating "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry."

She was too tired to respond, instead she put her hand on his arm and squeezed lightly, reassuring him that it was all going to be okay.

The sixth time it happened she didn't remember why he had gotten angry and hit her. All she remembered was that he was drunk. He called her a whore and then his fist connected with her stomach, Blair's whole body buckled and she bent over in pain, trying to get some air in her lungs before she collapsed on the floor. She felt Chuck turning her over on her back and looked down at her with cold eyes. Slowly he bent down and sat on his knees beside her and Blair prepared herself for the slap that was coming. Sure enough the stinging on her cheek came only a few seconds later.

Her eyes were too cloudy with tears and pain that she didn't see what he did next, but all of a sudden she felt his weight upon her. She whimpered helplessly and tried to push him of but to no vain. He grabbed her hands and pinned them down above her head with his own stronger one. When she still didn't stop struggling he spit in her face and whispered in her ear;

"You deserve this, you whore."

She lost count how many times it happened after that.


	2. Chapter 2

**Authors note: Just want to clear some things up. The events in the previous chapter all happened during two years. The abuse was something that happened slowly. I do believe that Chair is an abusive relationship but it's mostly been mental abuse. Examples: Season one "You don't even have me. Now you're one of the Arabians my father used to own. Rode hard and put away wet."Season three he traded her for his hotel. He slept with Jenny. He tries to control her "You're mine."  
There's been some physical abuse, she slapped him, he grabbed her at a ball, he threw her down on a sofa and hit his fist through the glass.  
And he tried to rape Jenny and Serena which people just seemed to forgot. And he's probably done it before, remember when Blair said "Chuck likes to brag about his conquests not his victims." **

** Anyways, enough rant, I really hope you enjoy this chapter it's a bit lighter that the previous one. Please comment and tell me what you think and what you want to happen because I'm not really sure where I'm going with this and I love some suggestions :)**

Three years later.

She was tired, her body and mind exhausted from fighting with Chuck and the long flight but she was finally home. She stepped out of the limo and looked up at the building where she, years before, had lived her whole life.

She had begged and pleaded with Chuck to let her come back to New York for fashion week and a couple of week's vacation. She wanted to move back, she was finished with Paris. Her home would always be the New York. At first Chuck had said no, there was no discussion but Blair was sure she could convince him somehow. After a couple of weeks of pleading, Chuck finally cracked and let her go for three weeks. He would of course come to New York too, but a week later.

_You can't be trusted. _Those were his exact words when she asked why he had to come when he obviously didn't want too.

Chuck was still very reluctant about moving back a couple of weeks later but Blair thought she would get through to him somehow; it was his home too after all.

During the elevator ride up to the penthouse she checked her clothing. The long-sleeved shirt she wore covered the bruises on her arms, the black pants covered her legs which were scratched and bruised too.

She caught her reflection in the mirror, what had become of her she thought. She used to be so strong, so independent. Blair Waldorf was the Queen B. What happened to that girl? The woman in front of her wasn't the same. She was weak and afraid. Blair hated what she had become.

The elevator doors opened and before Blair could register anything she heard Serena's happy voice.

"Blair!" Serena squealed while running forward to hug her. The force behind the hug made Blair want to cringe from pain but she forced a smile on her face and hugged Serena back, just as tight. She had missed her best friend.

After Serena released Blair, her mother and Dorota was next in line for welcome back hugs.

"Blair, sweetie!" Her mom hugged her and kissed her on the cheek. "How was your trip?"

"Long." She chuckled and then embraced Dorota, the woman who was like a second mother to her.

"Miss Blair, we've missed you so much." Dorota smiled "How long you stay?" she continued with her thick Russian accent.

"I'm not sure, Chuck and I've been thinking about moving back. We'll see how everything goes." Blair forced a smile on her face, just saying his name made the new bruise on her thigh hurt.

"Come, let's eat." Serena laughed while taking Blair's hand and started to drag her toward the dining room. She let go after only a few seconds though.

"Blair your hand is freezing!" Blair had always had warm hands, except when she was bulimic, it confused Serena. But then she started to look Blair over.

"You've lost weight." She then stated it wasn't a question. The worry in her voice seeped through though. Her already small frame was even thinner, she looked pale and her hands were cold as ice. There were dark circles under her eyes and her hair didn't have the same shine it used to.

Blair felt all three pair of eyes look at her body and she prayed that the bruises were hidden well under her dress. She didn't know how to explain them; no one ever did understand her connection with Chuck. They were as he said _Magnetic_.

She recalled the day of Dorota's wedding; he was begging her to forgive him after trading her for his hotel. Even then he was using her, hurting her she thought to herself. But he would always apologize. Beg her to forgive him again and again which was why she stayed with him. He would change, he _wanted_ to change she reasoned. She couldn't leave him to be all alone.

"You're not…?" Eleanor asked hesitantly refereeing to her bulimia.

"What?" Blair was pulled back from her thoughts and looked at the other three women in confusion. "Oh, no no! I've just been having trouble keeping the weight on, I've had so much to do these last couple of months. And the food doesn't seem to agree with my stomach at all, all of a sudden."

She didn't lie she told herself. She had been feeling sick for the last month and between work and Chuck she didn't have much time for anything else.

The answer seemed to please them because they all sat down at the table. The rest of the dinner was spent catching up. Blair told them all about her work and Paris and the amazing people she met. Serena was working at the Spectator with Nate and had moved in with Carter, she was happy, Blair noticed. She couldn't stop smiling and laughing as she told stories about her relationship and what crazy stuff Nate had been doing while she was gone.

Dorota was busy being a mom of now three kids; the youngest only six months old, named Aleksander. And Eleanor, well she was doing what she always did, bossing people around and living a good, happy life with Cyrus.

"Have you told Dan that you're back?" Serena asked suddenly.

The room was completely silent. Blair had hoped that no one would bring up Dan. She wasn't ready to answer questions about him yet. Even after five years.

"No." She answered hesitantly "I thought I'd call him in a couple of days or so. Considering how we left things I don't think he will be too thrilled to see me." She was still ashamed with how she had left things. How she had treated him.

"He said he missed you, that he'd forgiven you." Serena who had been smiling and laughing the entire meal was now serious, but there was a comforting feel to her voice.

"Really?" Blair whispered, she felt tears in her eyes but she held them back while looking at the blonde across the table who nodded slowly in response.

_Had he really forgiven her?_ She doubted it.

Blair felt the tiredness creep up on her, she had trouble keeping her eyes open and talking about Dan only seemed to make her even more tired.

"You know guys; this was really sweet of all you, really. But I'm exhausted and I just want to get back to New York time, if that's alright with you?" Blair excused herself and dragged herself up the staircase. Her legs were about to give out any second, they were sore and weak. With every step she took she felt the bruise on her thigh ache.

Serena, Eleanor and Dorota watched her go.

"Do you think she's hiding something?" Eleanor turned to the other two women.

"No, Miss Blair just tired." Dorota reassured her, but couldn't keep the worried look of her face.

Blair could hear them whispering downstairs but for the moment she didn't care. She just wanted to sleep. Her room was exactly like she left it, she stood in the doorway for a few moments, appreciating the look and feel of the room before collapsing on the bed with a smile on her face.

She was home. She was safe.


	3. Chapter 3

**Authors note: Finally Dan's POV guys! And in the next chapter there will be some Dair action! How angry do you guys want Dan to be with Blair? Let me know :)**

**Thanks to everybody who reviews and reads this story!**

* * *

Being back in New York was amazing. She had been busy but it was all fun. Serena and Eleanor had thrown a welcome back party for her a couple of days after she got back. Everybody she knew were there Lily, Eric, Rufus, her old minions, even Vanessa and Jenny were there to celebrate.

The fighting and old grudges from years before were forgotten, Blair realized. They had all grown up and let it go. Even though Blair still though that Vanessa's urban style was ridiculous they managed to have a civil conversation. Vanessa and Nate were now dating, again. What was thing the fifth time or something? Blair wondered but she wasn't one to judge. She was the expert at rekindling old romances.

And Blair had to admit, after talking for a few minutes with Vanessa, that she wasn't that bad. She was even, nice and somewhat fun.

Blair and Jenny greeted each other and talked about fashion for a few minutes but that was about it. Jenny was working for Diane Von Furstenberg, which Blair had to admit, was quite the accomplishment. She was happy to see that Jenny finally had grown out of her gothic Barbie style.

Blair spent the majority of the night looking towards the elevator though, wondering if a certain curly brown-haired boy from Brooklyn would walk through the sliding doors. But he wasn't a boy anymore, she reminded herself, he was a man.

But he never did. Blair knew that he knew about the party, there was no way he couldn't not know.

_So much for giving me. _Blair thought bitterly, but she didn't blame him. After what she had done she wouldn't be surprised if he never spoke to her again. She wouldn't have if it was the other way around. But she still missed him, not one day went by with her not missing him. He had been her best friend, her confidant, her knight in shining armor more times than one. Even after five years away from him she could still remember his smell, his touch, the way he looked at her like she was the only woman in the world. Like she was all that mattered to him.

Blair had always felt like she was in Serena's shadow, she had always had everything before she did. From her mother's approval, to the newest clothes to boys. She had Nate before Blair did, she had Dan, Serena even had Chuck before she did. Blair recalled when Serena told her that Chuck had tried to attack her second night home from boarding school.

_Even then he was violent. _Blair unconsciously pressed her fingers to the fading bruise on her shoulder which was hidden under her dress. It barely hurt anymore; the one on her thigh did though. She couldn't cross her legs properly because of the discomfort.

But Dan had never made her feel like she was less than Serena, quite the opposite. He made her feel beautiful, strong and confident, he had made her happy in ways no one ever had.

"Blair!" She heard Nate who had been late to the party behind her. When she turned around she saw him run toward her and picked her up and spun her around while laughing. He had missed her more than he thought.

Blair wanted to scream out in pain, her ribs were still sore from the week before, she felt tears coming but instead she passed them of as tears of joy while hugging Nate.

"I've missed you." She smiled wiping a tear away with her thumb. She really had missed him.

"Oh come on Waldorf, don't be so dramatic!" Nate chuckled lightly and Blair rolled her eyes. "How long are you staying? Will Chuck be coming too?" He led her to one of the couches.

"Well, a few weeks, at least, Chuck's flying in next week, Wednesday I believe." She took a seat next to him. Nate was still as handsome as ever with his golden boy looks. She had missed New York and the people there more than she thought she realized more and more by each day.

"That's great! Then the whole gang will be reunited, the non-judgmental breakfast club has all their members back together." Nate was looking at her with a smile but then his eyes fastened on something behind Blair and his smile got even bigger.

Blair turned around and saw Vanessa walking toward them.

"Mind if I join you?" She asked looking at Blair hesitantly.

"No, not at all." Blair smiled back at Vanessa, the girl she had hated for years. She looked at Nate and Vanessa for a couple of seconds they seemed so happy. Nate gazed at Vanessa like he'd never looked at anybody, not even Serena and it made Blair glad. He deserved someone who made him happy. Vanessa sat down next to Nate and their hands locked effortlessly.

Suddenly Blair felt a wave of nausea hitting her, it was the fourth time this week. That she felt like throwing up.

"Are you okay?" Vanessa asked "You look kinda pale."

"Yeah, yeah I'm fine, just some nausea, probably some weird yet-lag effect or something. " Blair smiled.

"You sure you're alright?" Nate nudged her shoulder slightly. Blair nodded, even though the queasiness still lingered. "So, tell me everything about Paris." Nate smiled.

And so she did, but leaving out the most important detail, of course.

Dan knew about the welcome home party. He was set on going too. He was dressed, hair combed back in an attempt to rule his curls, he even had a gift. Dan got out of the cab and looked up at the building where he knew the love of his life was, probably with a huge diamond ring on her finger and a smile on her face. He did consider Blair to be the love of his life, for years he had thought that Serena, happy, blonde shining Serena would be the only girl he would ever love. But then he fell for Blair, and he fell harder than he would ever have imagined .

Dan had avoided this street like the plague, the last five years he had only been there a couple of times. It was an odd feeling being back here, about to see Blair like nothing had changed. Yet everything had. As he walked past the doorman and toward the elevator he was suddenly hit with a wave of rage and he realized something. He hadn't forgiven Blair, he was still mad at her, he was furious actually. He had tried to convince himself that he was over the situation, that he didn't still blame her for leaving without as much as a goodbye, but he still did. He still cared.

Dan turned around and walked back out; he hailed a cab and went back home to Brooklyn, far away from the Upper East Side and Blair Waldorf. He couldn't face her, not yet. She hadn't even called to let him know that she was back.

Why was she back?

Dan walked through the door to the loft, he couldn't picture himself living anywhere else. It was his home, his shelter. It had been there for him his entire life. He walked to get a beer from the kitchen and then opened up his laptop. He was writing a new story about a girl and a man. The girl naïve and young, with brown locks and porcelain skin. The man older and cold with dark eyes and a snakes tongue. But they loved each other.

Ever since Blair had left Dan had written many stories, about his and her relationship, about her relationship with Chuck, about her relationship with Serena, Blair was always the main character. The first one he wrote was dark, he didn't care if it would hurt his friends, he actually wanted to hurt Blair, like she hurt him. He wanted to get even in a sense.

In the book Serena was a girl who wanted attention at all times and she didn't care of she hurt other along the way. She was sleeping with different men left and right, had everything handed to her and didn't care about anyone else but herself.

Dan barely mentioned Nate, but the few times he did it was usually as Chucks sidekick, doing whatever Chuck wanted even if it was the wrong thing to do.

He had portrayed Blair the worst though. All her insecurities, her bulimia, her struggles had been written down and printed out on paper. Then wrapped in to a nice little book with a front picturing a dark haired girl with a champagne glass in hand with a blurry background.

The book had been a somewhat success, thanks to Georgina who had outed all the secrets she knew about the Upper East Side and for a while Dan had been very lonely. The only people who wanted to talk to him were his dad, Jenny and Georgina, but it was good it gave him time to write. To heal. The more he wrote the less angry he got with the world that he had been dragged in to and after a few months he was done. Done with being mad, done with Georgina, he wanted his friends back.

Nate, being the good guy that he was forgave him, eventually Serena did too and they formed a nice trio. A couple of years later Vanessa came back and they too, made emends.

Dan was typing furiously on his computer, writing about the complex, doe eyed girl and her undying love for the man who had hurt her many times before, but in his own twisted way loved her too. But she had hurt him as well. She had lied and cheated to get things her way. Their relationship was one of those that no one understood but them.

Suddenly his phone went off, pulling Dan out of his reverie. It was late, 2 am, he had been writing for hours. The number that appeared on his phone was a number he didn't recognize, he figured that it probably someone who had drunk dialed the wrong number so he didn't answer. It was a Friday night after all. The ringing stopped but not even ten seconds later it started again. Dan looked at the screen, the same number. He figured he better answer and tell whoever was on the phone to fuck off.

"Hello?" He sighted the word out slowly, preparing for music and screaming people in the background.

"It's me." He heard Blair's voice, she sounded weak, like she had been crying. "I need to talk to you, please." The rawness in her voice made his heart pound and breathing to shallow. What did she want? Why did she call him now? Why does she sound so upset? Dan's mind went in to overdrive, question on top of questions came to mind.

"Please." Her voice trembled and every single inch of him ached for her.


	4. Chapter 4

**Authors note: First of all thank you to all of you who takes the time to comment! You are what keeps me motivated to write!  
Just letting you know that Vanessa and Nate will be a pretty big part of this story, I always felt like Vanessa and Blair would have a funny friendship. (Maybe because Leighton and Jessica look so good together I don't know.)**

**Please keep commenting and reading, and suggestions are always welcome. Enjoy!**

He didn't know why he had agreed to this. To coffee. With Blair Waldorf. But here he was, sitting in his favorite coffee shop in Brooklyn waiting for her. He was a bit surprised when she had agreed to meet him there but hey, if they were going to meet, it would be by his rules. And rule number one, Blair would come to him.

He was sipping his coffee slowly, the dark liquid burning his tongue and down his throat. He could see her getting out of a cab, he was surprised that she didn't come in a town car or a limo. Blair Waldorf had never liked the cabs, they were dirty she said.

Blair entered the coffee shop and easily spotted him at a corner booth. Just the sight of him made her exciting and somewhat nauseous from nervousness, or maybe the nausea hadn't left? She had come from the doctors because the nausea didn't go away. She had taken blood tests and she was feeling quite weak.

Blair made her way toward him slowly, taking small steps in her new Louboutins. Finally she reached the table, as she sat down she was afraid to look him in the eye.

"Hi." She said quietly, almost shyly. When he barely nodded in response she continued, "How are you?"

"How I am?" Dan's voice was cold like ice. "Not one word in five years and now you show up and ask me how I am?" Dan had decided to try to be decent, but the sight of her, the smell, her sad doe eyed eyes, it all made him irritated.

"What do you expect me to say?" Blair was quite taken back by the anger, avoiding eye contact, she was afraid of what she might see in those brown eyes.

"Oh I don't' know, how about an apology." He answered sarcastically. "Why did you call?"

"Because I missed you, you were my best friend." Her voice was getting louder.

"No, that's where you're wrong, I was your friend, you were never mine." He was leaning back in his chair looking at her with narrowed eyes.

"So if you were my friend, why did you write all those horrible things about me?" She was challenging him, trying to make him out to be as bad as her.

Dan was taken back, he wanted to hurt her with his book, wanted some form of revenge but he hadn't really expected her to read it. Why would she? She hadn't read the first one.

"You read it?" His angry tone was much softer now.

"Of course I read it, I still cared about you, I still do." She was looking down at the table, still avoiding his eyes.

"You cared about me?!" His anger was back now, stronger than ever. "You left without a word, left me for _him, _when I told you that I loved you." He spat the words at her, like saying them gave him a bad taste in his mouth. "That's not caring Blair."

"I know." There was a slight desperation in her voice, "But I've regretted it every day since."

Dan leaned forward on his arms, looking at her intently.

"Regretting leaving me without a word, or leaving me for him." He leaned forward even more, awaiting her answer in anticipation.

_Both! _She wanted to say, she wanted to tell him everything. How terrible it was, how tired she was, how alone she had felt for so long. But she knew she couldn't. She couldn't do that to Chuck. He loved her after all and she loved him they were _Blair and Chuck._ Things could still change between them, he could change.

"I've regretted not giving you the break up that you deserved." For the first time since she got there she looked him in the eye for more than a few seconds.

Dan chuckled sarcastically but when his eyes met hers he was shocked to see the stony expression on her face. He hadn't seen her look like that for years, not since high school.

"I'm sorry for the way I acted." Her hand reached for his instinctively but he pulled away the moment her skin touched his.

" 'I'm sorry' is too little too late." He sighted. "But we've both made mistakes, you left with Chuck, I slept with Serena and wrote that book…"

"You slept with Serena?" Blair cut him off, her voice cool, controlled.

Dan stopped every movement, stopped breathing for a few seconds; he was shocked that Serena hadn't told her.

"Blair, Blair I thought you knew." He stuttered. How could Serena not have told her?

Blair was furious with Dan, with Serena…with herself. She had turned the best guy she'd ever known in to a cheater. And once again, had a boy she liked chosen Serena.

"How could you do that to me?!" Her voice was loud now, some people were staring at her but she didn't care.

"I thought we were broken up! You were with Chuck!" Dan defended himself. "How can you be mad at me when you did the same thing!? You cheated too!" The people who hadn't watched them before sure were now. All of them were enjoying the show.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, narrowed eyes and shallow breathing.

"Then why are you still so furious with me? If you cheated and I cheated then we're" Blair raised her hands in the air to form quotation marks " 'even'. Why is it okay for you to be mad but not me? "

Dan was about to reply when he suddenly stop to think. Why was he still so mad? She was right, he had done just as much wrong as she had. He had been mad at her all these years when he had been just as bad. He felt a smile coming unexpectedly, it was a weird feeling.

"Why are you smiling?" Blair asked hesitantly, not sure if Dan had gone completely crazy or not.

"I don't know, maybe because I've been so angry with you even though I shouldn't have been." Dan ran a hand through his unruly curls. "You're right. We should try to put this," his hand went back and forth between them, "behind us."

"Serena said that you missed me, that you had forgiven me. Was that a lie?" Blair felt a sliver of hope now, maybe they could be friends again.

"I thought I had yes, but then when I stood outside of your apartment I realized that I hadn't." He sighted. "But I'll work on it." He smiled now, taking her hand in his for a moment before releasing her cold hand.

"So friends?" Blair felt the warmth from his hand, his touch tingling on her skin.

"I wouldn't go that far." Dan smiled teasingly "But maybe someday soon." He looked at the clock on the wall behind Blair. "You should probably get going, isn't there a Van der Vodsen dinner tonight?"

"Yeah…" Blair sighted, after what she found out about Dan and Serena she really didn't want to see her blonde gorgeous friend.

But Blair did what he said and walked out of the coffee shop. When she got out on the street to hail a cab she felt tears coming, from sadness or relief she didn't know. She had no idea that Dan had watched her every move with his own eyes glistening with tears.

Seeing her had been worse than he'd thought. Not only because she reminded him of his heartbreak but because she looked miserable too. Her pale skin and thin body, her voice, so much weaker than before. And now she knew about him and Serena, he probably messed up Blair and Serena's friendship forever. Maybe he had been too hard on her? Maybe she was hurting too? He was glad that they had resolved their problems, at least for now.

Dan stood up slowly, put some money on the table and walked out to the streets of Brooklyn. Once he was out he took out his phone and called Nate.

"Hey man it's me, can we meet up tonight?"

Blair looked at her body in her full length mirror. She was standing in her underwear examining her body. The bruises on her body had faded for most part, there was only a few that were really noticeable on her thigh and shoulder. She ran her hands along her body, touching the sore spots. Her ribs still hurt though, she ran her right hand over them, her ribcage could be seen under her skin. When did she lose all this weight?

Tears she didn't even know were falling for her eyes rand down her cheeks, down her throat. The news about Dan and Serena had shaken her. Serena had called and called but Blair couldn't bring herself to answer, she needed time.

Suddenly she felt nausea hit her and she ran to her bathroom, emptying her stomach in the toilet. _What the hell is wrong with me?_

Her phone went off all of a sudden. Blair pulled herself of the floor, her legs felt wobbly. She looked at the caller ID and a worry seeped thought her body, recognizing the number.

"Dr Martins" She answered the phone "I didn't realize I would be hearing from you so soon."

"Mrs. Bass" She heard the female voice of her doctor. "I wanted to give you your test results as soon as possible."

Dan had asked Nate to meet him at their bar in Brooklyn. When he got there Nate was already there, a beer in front of him and Vanessa beside him. _What was she doing here? _Didn't Nate get that Dan wanted to talk to him alone? Not because he didn't want Vanessa there, but because he and Vanessa had never been able to have a rational discussion about Blair.

"Dan!" He heard Nate call him, standing up slightly.

"Hey guys." Dan said when he reached the table.

Vanessa must have sensed that Dan was confused because she quickly stood up and hugged him.

"Don't worry, I'm going to the Van der Vodsen dinner, I just stopped by to say hi." Vanessa and Serena had become quite good friends over these last few years so dinner at Serena's was nothing out of the ordinary for them.

Dan gave her a grateful smile before sitting down across from Nate. He watched as Vanessa kissed him good bye, he was happy for his friends. They made each other happy.

"So what's up man?" Nate asked after Vanessa had walked out.

"I saw Blair today." He was looking at Nate with big brown eyes.

"Wow really, how did that go?" Nate leaned forward him with a surprised expression on his face.

"Well at first we had a sort of screaming match." Dan waved a waitress over, signaling that he wanted a beer before continuing. "But then we sort of decided that we were both wrong and that we should try to work things out."

"So you're friends now?" Nate chuckled.

"No, no! We just don't hate each other. Well, _I _don't hate her anymore." Dan took a big swig of his beer that the waitress had brought him.

"That's good isn't it?" Nate too took a swig of his beer. "Why this urgent call to meet?"

"Because something's off about her, can't you tell?" Dan had been thinking about her all day. She wasn't the Blair he used to know, who he used to love. "I thought that maybe you knew something?"

Nate looked at him for a few seconds, debating with himself if he should tell Dan the little that he knew.

"Well," he started carefully "I asked her if she were alright at her welcome home party and she just said that she had been feeling unwell these last few weeks. She had been nauseous and barely been able to eat. But she said that it would pass, that she would go to a doctor."

"Well that's good I guess." Dan scratched the back of his head. "I can't put my finger on it but something has changed about her, and I'm not talking about her body." He took another drink of his beer. "She has changed mentally, she seems, I don't know…weak." Blair had always been strong; hell her goal in life was to be a powerful woman. But the girl he had met earlier that day seemed afraid, fragile almost pathetic, not at all powerful.

Nate was just about to respond when his phone went off. He looked at the caller ID and smiled.

"Speak of the devil." He showed Dan the phone, Blair's name blinking on the screen. "Hey what's up?" Nate answered.

Dan studied Nate's face, who had went from completely relaxed to worried.

"Blair, Blair slow down. What did you say?" Nate's mouth fell open and formed a small o.

"I'll be right there." Nate stood up to grab his jacket.

"What's wrong?" Dan stood up too. Nate was looking at his undecidedly. "It's all right you can tell me." Dan sighted.

Nate was quiet for a few more seconds, not sure if he should tell Dan. But deciding as Dan was his best friend that he deserved to know, it wasn't like he wouldn't find out anyway.

"Blair is pregnant."


	5. Chapter 5

**Authors note: So I'm not sure how many are still reading this, but I just wanted to apologize for not updating, I went on vacation for a few weeks. But hopefully I'll get the next chapter up within a few days. Oh and I don't really like this chapter, but I wanted to get something up as soon as possible, so sorry for mistakes and if it's not the best. Forgive me! And I really hope that some of you still read this.**

**Reviews always make me more eager to write so please leave a comment! Enjoy!**

Nate had rushed over to the Waldorf penthouse, Dan decided not to come. If Blair wanted him there then she'd call he reasoned. Besides, he didn't want to see her happy and smiling about a pregnancy with _Chuck Bass_.

When Nate got there Blair was sitting on her bed, a robe around her and a cup of tea beside her. The door was open but Nate knocked on the doorframe anyways.

"Hey." He gave her a lopsided grin.

"Hi." A meekly response form the woman on a bed. He could tell that she had been crying.

"Blair what's wrong? I thought this would be happy news." He sat down next to her on the bed, his arm went around her shoulder so she could lean on him.

"It is, I guess..." She looked down on the bed, her hands grabbing the comforter, like she needed to hold on to something. "It's just, this wasn't planned and, it's not a good time for me and Chuck to be parents." She pressed one hand to her stomach "What if Chuck didn't want me to keep it?"

Nate covered her small hands with one of his own, trying to provide some kind of comfort.

"If he agreed to raise Luis child as his own, then why wouldn't he want this one?"

Blair looked at him timidly, biting her lip. She wanted to tell him, to tell anybody really but she was scared. And she didn't want Chuck to get in trouble, to be fair, he usually didn't get vicious or violent unless he drank. Usually. But he would always be sorry afterwards, he loved her. He could apologize for hours sometimes. He was still good. Maybe if he stopped the drinking? If she was more supportive of him? If she tried harder? Then maybe it would be okay. He had changed once, he could change back. Back to the man who helped ducks in Central Park and gave money to charity. He could be that man again. She would help him, they were Chuck and Blair, they were infinite.

"Blair?" Nate cupped her cheek in his hand "What aren't you telling me?"

Sometimes she forgot how well he knew her. She forgot that even though Nate never had known her dark side like Chuck, or having the same interests in movies and art like Dan, he had known her for almost twenty years. She had been his, once upon a time. Blair knew she couldn't tell the truth, she also knew that he would see if she was lying. She felt trapped. Scared. Finally she sighted, deciding that taking a road somewhere in the middle was her best option.

"Chuck's been drinking a lot recently." She looked in to Nate's blue eyes "More than ever before, I'm scared for him."

"You think he needs help?" Nate frowned. "I mean, he's been drinking for so long and I…

"No you don't understand, this is not just a scotch at the end of a day, this is drinking almost every night and coming home late, sometimes even passing out on the floor." Tears she hadn't noticed rolling down her face landed on her hand. "I think he might have to go to rehab."

"Don't you think he would do that if you asked him?

"I've tried, but he doesn't think it's a problem, he thinks that he has control." Blair looked at the clock on her nightstand.

"It's late, Vanessa might get worried." She wanted him to leave, she needed to be alone. Why did she even call him? To get some support? To tell him what had happened these few years? She wasn't sure.

"I'm not leaving you like this Blair."

Damn.

"Then, would you mind if I went to sleep, I'm tired, and Chuck's flying in tomorrow." Maybe that would make him leave.

"No problem, I'll stay in Serena's old room." Nate got off the bed.

"Nate, you don't have too…" Blair started.

"I know, I want too." He gave her a small smile before kissing her on the forehead. "Good night, see you tomorrow." Nate closed the door quietly after him, leaving Blair alone in the dark with her thoughts.

She needed to rest, to get a good night's sleep before meeting Chuck tomorrow. She wondered what he'd be like, probably tired and jetlagged, if he would be happy to see her, if he would notice that she had this secret, if he would be mad because Nate was there. Maybe he had missed her? Chuck might be happy, he might take her in his arms and spin her around like in a cheesy movie. Blair really didn't know how it would be tomorrow; she didn't know how to tell him about the baby. His baby. What if he didn't want it? She couldn't loose another child, she wouldn't be able to bear t.

Blair fell in to a restless sleep with dreams about Chuck and Dan, babies and bassinets, tears and laughs. Being spun around and round. Nightmares about pain, bruises and nausea, the dreams never seemed to stop.

It was early, about seven thirty when she heard the ding from the elevator from her room where she had been trying to read Vogue for over an hour, trying to relax a bit. He was here.

"Mr. Chuck! You are here!" She heard Dorota from downstairs. She got up from her bed, leaving the magazine wide open on her bed. She grabbed her robe from the hanger on her closet door.

"Are you ready?" Nate's was standing in the doorway to her bathroom, dressed in yesterday's clothes.

"Didn't expect you to be up this early." She responded dryly.

"I knew what time Chuck landed," he ignored her tone "You sleep good?" They started walking toward the stairs.

"Yeah fine."

"Blair!" Chuck was standing in the foyer with a smile in his face and a huge bouquet of peonies in his hand.

"Miss Blair, look what Mr. Chuck brought from Paris!" Dorota was holding up a silver rattle with Aleksander's name engraved on it. Dorota had a look of awe and joy on her face. "I go call Vanya." She hurried out of the room toward the kitchen.

Blair slowly walked in to Chucks waiting arms, not sure if he was sincere or just putting on a show for Dorota and Nate. Oh god _Nate!_ Chuck will freak! But when he didn't push her away she relaxed in his arms a bit, breathing in his cologne, touching the soft fabric of his jacket. This was the Chuck she loved. The moment didn't last for very long though.

"What are you doing here Nate?" He let her go to greet Nate, they did their what they called their "manly hug" back in high school. Blair rolled her eyes at the memory.

"I slept in Serena's old room, Blair needed to talk about some stuff."

Chuck turned fast, glaring at Blair. "About what exactly?" His voice had become cold like ice.

"I think she should tell you, but I just wanted to welcome you back, I gotta get home to Vanessa." Nate patted Chuck on the back and gave Blair a kiss on the cheek and quickly whispered "Call if you need me." before leaving.

"So you talked to Nate? About what?" Chucks eyes were almost black, it scared her.

"I'm…I'm…" She stuttered, unconsciously backing away.

"You're whoring yourself out to Nate now?" He was walking toward her.

"What!? No! Chuck no! I love you." She whispered, tears filling her eyes. "We, we just talked. Please, I love you!" Those three words had meant so much to them. Now they felt empty, like she was supposed to say they out of habit and for protection.

"What. Did. You. Tell. Him?" He was close now, his hand coming up to cup her cheek, it might have been comforting except for the fact that his hand was pressing against her skin. His hand cold, like the rest of him.

"I'm pregnant!" She blurted out, knowing that it would stop the possible slap.

It was like Chuck became a different man, his featured softened, his dark eyes became warm again and a small smile spread across his face.

"You are!?" He laughed "This is amazing Blair!" And just like that, she was in the cheesy movie she dreamt about, being spun around the room with Chuck laughing.

She couldn't believe it, he was happy! The disbelief must have shown on her face because he put her down and led her to the dining table.

"I know we've had it rough, hat we haven't had the…healthiest relationship, but I promise I'll do whatever you need me to do. I want to have this child with you. I love you so much."

He was saying all the right things, he was the man she fell in love with. She hadn't heard that warmth in his voice in years probably. Maybe this baby was what they needed to become Chuck and Blair again.

Dan was sitting in his loft typing on his computer. The previously water bottle beside him was now lukewarm, small drops of condensation had formed in a perfect circle around the bottle on the table. But he didn't care; he couldn't stop writing, even to just remove the water. He was inspired, he didn't want to stop his train of thought. The thoughts of a certain Upper East Side brunette. Suddenly he heard a knock on the door which broke him out of his reverie before Vanessa entered.

"You know, you should probably start locking that door." She threw her coat and bag on his sofa before sitting down beside him.

"Writing about Blair huh?" When he looked at her with surprise she just shrugged her shoulders "You have that look on your face which you always have when you're writing about her."

"Why are you here Vanessa?" Dan sighted and rubbed his temples, he had barely slept. Thought's of Blair being pregnant with Chuck's baby had haunted him.

"Nate told me about Blair…and the baby," Vanessa looked down on her skirt, removing some invisible lint and avoided his eyes "I just wanted to make sure that you're alright." Her blue eyes met his brown ones.

"I'm fine, really. It's none of my business anyways." Dan got up and walked to the kitchen. "You want anything to drink? Coffee, coke, water?'

"I was actually thinking that we should drink! Alcohol that is." Vanessa walked over to her bag and pulled up two bottles of bourbon. "You know, forget about that crazy bitch."

"I thought you two were becoming friends…" Dan crossed his arms and leaned against the counter.

"Well, yeah. But if you want me to hate her and call her a bitch I will. I'll choose side." She took out two glasses and poured a generous amount of the bourbon in each. "I was you're friend first after all."

"You sound like you're seven years old." Dan smiled at her, the only childhood friend he had.

She handed him one of the glasses, a wicked smile on her face.

"Vanessa, it's 1.30 pm." Dan interjected.

"It's five o'clock somewhere." She simply answered forcing him to take the glass or it would hit the floor "Besides, you need this."

When he didn't object she smiled and clinked her glass with his.

"Cheers."


	6. Chapter 6

**Authors Note: Thank you to those who review, you really make my day. Magnus57 du är också svensk? Tack för din feedback!  
I know there haven't been much Dair in these chapters put I promise that things will pick up in the coming chapters! Have suggestions? Please review, I'm insecure so sue me lol.**

The following days Blair and Chuck had been looking for an apartment, she wanted to live in New York and finally, _finally, _Chuck had agreed. He had been so kind to her, it was hard to imagine he ever had hurt her. He was smiling, always holding her hand and listened to what she had to say. He was caring, making sure that she ate properly and that they had the best doctor in Manhattan. This was how it was supposed to be, this is what she had dreamt of. He had only gotten mad a few times but he had held his word and directed his anger toward something else.

They were sitting at the breakfast table, Chuck was working and Blair read a book while drinking a cappuccino.

"Have you told anybody?" Blair looked up at Chuck from behind her book "Except Nate I mean."

"No, not yet." She put her book down on the table "I thought it was something we could do together. Maybe have a dinner or something and tell everybody?" Her hand reached for his.

"What do you mean everybody? Who's everybody?" Chuck's eyes narrowed, a familiar coldness in them.

"You know, mom and Cyrus, S, Nate and Vanessa I guess, but I'm pretty sure that she knows already, Lily, your dad…Everybody."

"What about Humphrey?" Dan was still a very sore subject; they never discussed him unless they had too. She hadn't even told Chuck about seeing him, she didn't want to make Chuck angry or jealous again.

"What about him?" She tried to act like she didn't care, ignored that her heart seemed to beat harder in her chest just by the mention of his name.

"Will he be invited?" The coldness was still there.

"Of course not sweetie, he isn't a part of my life anymore." She squeezed his hand reassuringly, hoping that it would be enough to get Chuck back to warm and smiling.

He looked at her for a few seconds before he softened.

"So, dinner on Saturday? Sounds good?"

She let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding.

"Sounds perfect." She smiled.

"Are you going to Blair and Chucks dinner-thing tomorrow?" Nate asked, as he and Dan was lying on his couch in his and Vanessa's apartment, tossing a small ball to each other.

"No." Dan was lying on the other side of the table. He threw the ball back to Nate.

"Why?" Nate turned to his side, resting his head on his hand and throwing the ball to Dan.

"I wasn't invited." He caught the ball once more "Besides, I don't think Chuck would want me there." That time he accidentally threw the ball harder than intended, hitting Nate in the face.

"Hey! What the hell?" Nate got up from the couch, checking his face for any damage.

"God you're such a drama queen!" Dan got up too, when Nate turned he had an angry expression on his face "But I'm sorry, didn't mean to throw that hard."

Nate's face suddenly changed from angry to a lopsided grin, his arms crossing at his chest.

"What…?" Dan followed the movements of his friends' arms.

"You're afraid of Chuck?"

"What!? No!" Dan shook his head "I just don't want to cause problems. And I wasn't invited!" He turned to walk toward the couch once again. "Besides, you're the one who's afraid of him."

Before Dan had time to react Nate jumped him from behind, laughing.

"Nate, what the fuck?" They started to wrestle on the floor, both laughing like they were five years old playing wrestling.

"This is for the ball in my face, and the Chuck comment!"

Neither boys noticed Vanessa entering the apartment. She set the grocery bags on the table, sighting as she looked at her best friend and boyfriend struggling on the floor.

"Should this bromance worry me? Has it gone too far?" Dan and Nate immediately looked up at her.

"I mean seriously, Dan are you trying to steal my man?" Vanessa had a satisfied smile on her face.

"Shut up." Dan muttered as he and Nate got up from the floor. Nate kissed her quickly on the cheek before carrying the bags to the kitchen where he started to put the food away in cabinets and the refrigerator.

"Hey babe! Can you convince Dan to come tomorrow?" He called out to them. "Oh and you suck for not joining me in here!"

"I carried that stuff home!" Vanessa yelled back. "So why aren't you coming?" She turned to Dan.

"I wasn't invited, and I don't really feel like looking at the happy couple." Dan ran his hand through his unruly curls.

"Blair wants you in her life, otherwise she wouldn't have called you." Vanessa reasoned "I really don't think that she would mind if you came, I mean everybody else is going to be there."

"It's not Blair I'm worried about, it's Chuck. He doesn't want me there and I don't want to ruin the dinner by showing up."

"Fuck Chuck." She said simply. "Once upon a time you were Blair's best friend, you were her savior. Chuck can't take that away."

"That was a long time ago. Before she chose to leave me and run away with Chuck." He didn't mean to sound bitter but Dan had never been good at hiding his feelings.

"Everybody will be there, even Rufus and Jenny. I think you should come and if Chuck has a problem with it I'm sure Blair will stick up for you." Vanessa got up from the couch and started walking to the kitchen.

"You do realize that it's super weird that you, of all people, are sticking up for Blair Waldorf." Dan said as he too got up from the couch.

"Yepp."

"Dude, just come it will be fine." Nate threw an arm around Vanessa. Dan studied the pair for a few seconds. They were really happy, happier that he ever remembered seeing either one of them. Then his thought's went back to Blair, he had been so happy with her, even when they fought, he had been happy. Maybe he should go tomorrow after all. Chuck had crashed dinners and parties before, why couldn't he?

Planning the dinner had been easy, cause let's face it; Blair really hadn't done anything except call the people who were coming. She didn't clean or cook, she did however boss people around, it was nice yelling at the help in English after Paris. She was actually feeling like the old Blair Waldrof. Dorota had prepared a wonderful meal for Blair and Chucks guests, not asking any questions why they were having the dinner. But giving Blair looks, looks that showed that Dorota knew something was going on.

"Blair, Serena and Carter are here!" Chuck called from downstairs. Blair looked over her attire one last time. The dark blue dress she wore and her makeup was perfect, her black high heel Louboutins matched perfectly, not to dressed up for the occasion but as always put together with much thought. She was exited to tell everybody, to stop with all the secrecy.

She walked downstairs to greet Serena and Carter giving both of them a hug, even though hugging Carter was a bit awkward but Blair had decided to give him another chance. Especially when Serena was smiling like a fool in love. Chuck offered Serena and Carter drinks which they both happily accepted while Blair stuck with a glass of sparkling water.

It didn't take long before the rest of the guests arrived, Nate, Vanessa and Jenny came together, then Rufus and Lily and Cyrus and Eleanor, Blair had to admit it was weird not having Dan there when his family was seated next to her. She guessed Rufus had been forced to come by Lily considering the way he kept sending her looks saying "_You broke my son." _Bart didn't come which Blair secretly was happy about he had always been a scary man and from what she had been told from Serena there was still a lot of tension between him and Rufus. She didn't want drama she wanted a calm nice evening with her family and friends.

Dinner went by smoothly though, they discussed news and business, New York and Paris, the  
latest gossip (Lily and Eleanor), fashion (Blair and Jenny), and the food which was excellent. It was the first time in weeks that Blair didn't feel like throwing up because of nausea which she really appreciated.

Before desert was served Blair took Chucks hand under the table, signaling that she was ready to tell everybody.

"So guys," Chuck said "I know that we kind of sprung this dinner on you and Blair and I really appreciate that you all came because we have some very exciting news. A couple of exciting news in fact." Chuck looked at Blair, waiting for her to continue.

"Well first of all, we're moving back to New York." Blair smiled at them and before she could continue her mom, Serena and Lily had all uttered words of joy, Serena got up and hugged Blair tightly whispering how much she had missed Blair in the city in her ear.

"What's the other news?" Jenny interrupted before Cyrus and Eleanor had a chance to get up and hug Blair as well.

Blair stood silent for a few seconds, her heart beating with excitement.

"I'm pregnant!" She then squealed. The whole room was silent for a few seconds; everybody had their looks fastened on something behind Blair. Before she had time to turn around and look though she heard a familiar voice.

"That's amazing Blair, congratulations!" Dan was standing behind them, even though his voice sounded genuine his face and body language was tense, like saying the words were actually hurting him.

"Humphrey, what are you doing here?" Chuck stood up too and put a arm around Blair his raspy voice dripping with venom.

"I heard about the dinner, I wanted to see what all the fuss was about." Dan had an edge to his voice when he took a few steps closer, showing Chuck that he wasn't afraid of him. Blair could tell that he had been drinking, he wasn't drunk though.

It was so quiet in the room, you could hear a pin drop, the awkwardness too much to describe before Serena Jenny and Vanessa both got up from their chairs.

"Congratulations Blair! Chuck!" They both exclaimed hugging them both. This seemed to pull the others out of their state of shock and they too got up to hug and congratulate the couple. Eleanor had tears in her eyes, smiling from ear to ear, so did Serena and Dorota.

"I'm going to be an aunt!" Serena hugged Blair once more, this time harder. "This is amazing Blair!"

Blair couldn't take her eyes of Dan. Why was he here? He will ruin everything. She glanced over at Chuck who once again had that cold expression on his face, his eyes was the only thing that expressed his feelings. They were dark, like liquid fire, he usually got that look in his eyes when Dan was ever brought up; it also was what made him the most angry.

After all the hugs and congratulations was over and they all had sat down Eleanor gently asked Dan to join them which he did.

"There will be an addition to this family and we should just put all old grudges behind us and focus on the joy." She said and put a hand on Cyrus's on the table.

"I agree." Lily said and raised he wine glass. "Too Chuck and Blair, and their happy future!" Everybody cheered and Blair couldn't help but feel like it was a wedding toast.

During desert Blair and Chuck had to answer all kinds of questions about due dates, how far along she was, where they would live and you would never know that Chuck was furious. Only Blair saw it, Chuck had always been good at hiding his feelings.

Blair tried to calm herself down, trying to remind herself that Chuck had changed, he wanted to change. He wouldn't hurt her; he loved her and their child. But the closer to the end of the dinner they got, the more anxious she became. And Dan kept giving her these sad looks, like he knew. No he couldn't know, she thought to herself.

It was late, almost 1 a.m when Serena and Dorota were the only ones left and started to gather their things after much persuasion. Carter had left earlier because of an early meeting with some business people. Why he had a business meeting on a Sunday morning Blair didn't ask. Rufus, Lily, Cyrus and Eleanor had left pretty early too. Dan had stayed until Nate, Vanessa and Jenny left. It had been awkward at the table but for most part Chuck and Dan had acted civil, Dan more so than Chuck.

"I'm really happy for you miss Blair." Dorota said as she got her coat on "You sure you don't want me to stay?"

"No, Vanya needs you." Blair smiled back. She hugged both Dorota and Serena goodbye and watched them get in the elevator. She sighted as she walked up the stairs, not seeing Chuck anywhere she assumed he was in her bedroom but it was empty. Then she heard some glass clattering from the kitchen and sighted once more, he was probably pouring himself a drink.

Blair took her dress of and changed in to her sleepwear, then she went to the bathroom to remove her makeup. When she came back out Chuck was standing by the window looking out on the city, a glass of scotch in his hand.

"What was he doing here Blair?" Freezing, she was suddenly freezing.

"I don't know Chuck." She walked closer to him and reached out to touch his arm. Chuck yanked away like she had burned him.

"Bullshit! You invited him! I know you did!" He yelled at her.

"No Chuck! I said that I wouldn't!" She turned away from him, started to walk toward the door, she was too tired to fight.

"You're lying!" His fist connected with something, she guessed the wall. She didn't turn around though; she was almost by the door, her escape.

"Don't you walk away from me!" Suddenly something hard hit her square on the back. Blair fell forward on the floor in pain and shock, the glass Chuck had been drinking from beside her, scotch all over the room and the carpet. She was crying she realized, tears were pouring down her face, drops landing on the carpet leaving small marks that faded almost immediately.

"Oh my God Blair!" Chuck was rushing to her, kneeling next to her body." I'm so so sorry!" I didn't mean too!"

"You promised." Blair sniffled, not looking at him "You promised things would change." She turned on her side even though her body protested, she lay a hand on her stomach "What if you hurt the baby?"

"I know, I love you, I'm sorry. It will never happen again. I would never want to hurt you nor our child." Chuck dragged her up to her feet and led her to the bed. His face was filled with regret.

"I love you Blair." He kissed her hand and then whispered "Try to get some sleep, I'll sleep in the guest room. You won't have to look or deal with me anymore tonight." He turned and started walking to the door.

"Wait," Her voice was merely above a whisperer "Stay." She hated that she was so weak.

Dan walked in to the loft, thoughts of Blair consumed his mind. He couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, it was the same feeling he had had after meeting her for coffee about a week earlier. Dan wondered if Blair had told chuck about their meeting. He would go see her tomorrow he decided. When Chuck was out doing business. He had to talk to her alone, if not for her then for himself. He needed to make sure that she was alright; he had to stop worrying if he was worrying for nothing. Yeah, tomorrow he would talk to Blair.

He sat down by his computer and started typing and he didn't stop until he saw the sun rise outside. It looked like it would be a beautiful day.


	7. Chapter 7

**Authors note: Thank you so much to all of you who reviewed! I really need it for motivation because my computer crashed and deleted everything on my computer but I did manage to get most of it back but it caused me to have a small mental break down. Anyways between that and the sucky season six of GG (which I'm only watching because of Leighton Meester) I just had no desire at all to write.  
Not happy at all with this chapter but I rewrote it about three times so finally got sick of it and I hope it's not too much of a disappointment.**

**Thank you again to everyone who follows and reweaves, it makes my day!**

When Blair woke up Chuck was already gone, he had meetings all day. She rolled over and groaned slightly, feeling the pain in her back. She didn't want to move, didn't want to leave the confines of her bed. Last night her nightmare had become reality, the Chuck she fell in love with really was gone, all that was left was the cold, jealous, insecure Chuck that didn't even care about his child. Their child.

So Blair stayed in bed, ignored when Dorota knocked on the door, telling her that it was late and she needed to get up for lunch with Serena and her mother. She turned off her phone after Serena's fourth call. Deleted the message from Dan without reading it. She wanted to cry but she held the tears in, crying wouldn't help her nor her baby. She pressed her hand against her stomach thinking about the child in there, the child that would grow up with Chuck as a father.

No.

No she was going to be a mother, her job was to protect her baby. She would never put a child through what she's been through. The pain, the tears, the… fear. She had been so afraid of Chuck for so long and she hadn't even realized it. Blair realized that to keep her child safe, she needed to leave Chuck. She didn't want to be this woman anymore. She had become one of those women who she despised, the kind of woman who placated her husband. The tears escaped her eyes after a while even though she had tried not to, but as she mourned the girl she used to be and the boy she used to love, the tears ran down her face anyway.

When Dan woke up it was late, 1 am. He wasn't surprised though, he had been writing until early morning before finally falling asleep on his desk around seven. Getting up yawning and stumbling in to his couch on his way to the kitchen, he swore under his breath. His writing was still on his mind and all he wanted to do was to get in the shower and then head over to Blair's while Chuck was away. He turned on some coffee and texted Blair that heb would be over in a couple of hours before heading to the bathroom.

He turned the water on as hot as  
possible before getting undressed. The hot water was scolding and Dan welcomed the burning feeling. Blair had always showered in water as hot as possible, her porcelain skin turning red under the spray. He always told her that it was bad for her skin and she always replied that she had the best moisturizer in the world and that he had never complained about her skin before. Dan had gotten used to the temperature after a while though and after she left he couldn't shower without the burning feeling anymore, and every time he would think of her, her skin turning red, her hair sticking to her body in the most delicious way. He could never escape her, not even in his own apartment.

He showered quickly and got dressed. His black coffee tasted bitter, just like he wanted it. He sat down with his cup and wrote the last page of his short story, he needed to get it off his mind before leaving. When he finally put on his jacked and shoes it was already 2.30 and he sighted heavily. Even though he was in a rush he couldn't bring himself to hurry, like there was something holding him back from going. He checked his phone to see if Blair had replied, when he saw that she hadn't he sighted. Deciding to take his chances he locked the door behind him, and walked to the subway.

He had always preferred to take the subway, not only was it quicker than taking a cab but he always found inspiration on his trip. Mostly from the people, all kinds of people would take the subway, the hipsters from the village, to the tourists, to beggars. He always made up stories about the different people, their background and their future, what they were doing in New York. The subway was the only place he could think of that wasn't infected with Blair. She had nestled her way in to his life in almost every way possible without his knowledge, but the subway, the subway was all his.

She had finally gotten out of bed and taken a shower. Her skin felt like it was on fire and she enjoyed every second of it. Serena told her once that she was a masochist, she had laughed it off telling Serena that she was insane but she knew her friend was right. Why else would she go back to Chuck?

She was standing in from of her full length mirror in her underwear, looking at her body. The weight she lost before the pregnancy had started to come back slowly, which she was thankful for. Blair remembered a time when gaining weight was her worst nightmare, now she welcomed it. She wanted to be healthy for her baby. Blair turned to look at the bruise on her back and surely enough there was a big black and blue mark on the center of her back. She had always bruised and scared easy but never like this, the dark bruise hurt every time she, stretched, flexed or turned her back which was why she didn't leave her room. She was safe from everyone there, no one would know.

Dan walked in to the penthouse and was greeted with Dorota.

"Mr. Dan, what are you doing here?"

"I came to see Blair, is she here?"

"Yes, but Miss Blair hasn't left her room all day. She doesn't want to be disturbed."

Dan started walking up the stairs.

"Not a good idea…" Dorota warned him.

"I didn't come all the way from Brooklyn for nothing." He dismissed her, feeling like a jackass. He had always liked Dorota and didn't want to be rude but he was on a mission.

He opened the door without knocking; it wasn't like she would open to door to let him in anyways.

Blair was standing by her mirror in her underwear, quickly turning around, startled.

"Dan what the hell are you doing here?!" She quickly went to get her kimono robe hanging on a hanger. "You can't just walk in here like you own the place!" She said furiously as she put the silk garment around her half naked body. "What if Chuck would have been here?!"

Dan watched her, the few seconds she had stood facing him he had seen something on her back in the reflection of the mirror.

"Blair, what was that on your back?" He walked toward her.

He could see her panicking but quickly covered it up.

"What are you talking about Humphrey? Did you take something on the way here?"

"What was it on your back Blair?" He had a stiff tone and while he saw that she tried to avoid eye contact, his never left hers.

"Dan get out of here! I didn't allow you in here; I could call the cops telling them that a man from Brooklyn broke his way in to my room." She was panicking, what the hell was she supposed to do?

"Blair…" His hand went to her cheek, forcing her to look at him. "What happened?"

The tone in his voice had changed; it was like he already knew in some way and it made her even more afraid. His brown orbs searched hers, the gentleness there was familiar.

She softened slightly; she didn't have the energy to fight with him, with anyone really. But she wasn't ready to tell anyone yet either. She felt trapped lost.

"I, I fell okay?" She tried to walk away but his hand quickly grabbed her wrist and pulled a little too hard so she was almost pressed against him. It was the closest they had been to each other in years.

"Why are you lying Blair?" He whispered, he couldn't understand for the life of him what she was hiding. Whatever it was it had to be bad.

"I'm not." She pushed him away slightly, like she was afraid of what he would do. When there was enough space between them she looked at his insistent face. "What are you going to do Dan? Rip the clothes of me?" She sat down on her bed, making herself as small as possible.

"If I have to, yes." He immediately missed the feeling of her body against his "I won't leave Blair."

"Please Dan, just leave it alone. I can handle it." She sounded so defeated.

Dan watched her for a few moments, he didn't want to leave but he knew that she wouldn't tell him, not if she wasn't ready. Suddenly his phone went off, breaking the silence. Nate's name was flashing across the screen. He debated with himself if he should answer or not. He looked at Blair on the bed who motioned for him to answer.

"Hey man."

"Hey, you wanna hang out for a while?" Dan could hear traffic noises in the background "I'm in Brooklyn and have nothing to do." Nate continued.

"What am I? You're backup plan?" Dan smiled

"No, I was supposed to meet up with Vanessa and she got held up at work so I figured I would see my old friend." Dan could picture Nate standing there with the same half smile he himself had on his face.

"Sorry man, I'm at Blair's. I'm probably gonna be here for a while." He ignored Blair dramatically rolling her eyes."We have some stuff to talk about."

"Oh okay." He heard that Nate wanted to ask him something but stopped himself "Talk to you later then." Then the line went silent. Dan shrugged and put the phone back in his pocket.

Dan sat down next to Blair on the bed, studying her. She looked like a painting and he found himself wondering how a woman could possess such beauty. The sun came through the window making her brown hair shine, her eyes sparkle and her skin looking so smooth, he wanted to touch her.

He traced the side of her face lightly with his fingers causing her to look at him. He saw the tiny, barely visible scar on her cheek caused by Chuck all those years ago. She probably covered it with makeup but now in the sunlight and with her face clean from every ounce of makeup he could see it quite clearly. And then everything fell in to place.

"Oh my God…" Dan stood up. Everything made sense now, how scared she seemed. How insecure she was. How she had flinched slightly at dinner the previous night when Chuck had touched her.

"Chuck hits you doesn't he?"

Blair stared up at him. She didn't know what to say or do it felt like she couldn't breathe. Someone knew and she was completely shell locked. Panic, fear, relief, embarrassment, feelings she didn't even know how to describe took over until finally she broke down. Tears streamed down her face and she almost screamed while crying.

Dan quickly sat down on the bed and held her close as she cried. Letting out the last three years of hurt, anger and pain. He was livid, he was shaking with hate and anger thinking of what Chuck had done to her and he wanted to kill him. But for now he let her cry. He didn't know for how long he sat there with Blair in his arms but finally the hysterical sobs turned in to some shaky breaths and then she went completely quiet.

"Blair." The sound of his voice caused her to lift her head and meeting his eyes. Hers were red and puffy, his were filled with concern.

"Please don't tell anyone." She whispered.

"Blair, Blair you have to call the police. You can't let him get away with this." She pushed herself of his chest and looked away.

"I can't." The defeat in her voice was evident. She stood up, walked a few steps away from him.

"Why?" He wanted to be supportive and calm but the anger in his voice seeped through anyways.

"I didn't even think he meant to hurt me the few times." She seemed distant, like she didn't even remember that he was there with her. Like she was in a trance. "But things got worse, he started drinking and his businesses started to crumble and I wasn't enough to help him so he would grab me. But I deserved it."

"Blair, you did not deserve to be hurt by him. No one deserves that." He looked up at her in disbelief, Chuck had completely ruined her.

"I was a bad girlfriend, I didn't pay enough attention to him. And I loved him."

Dan couldn't hold back his anger anymore and stood up too. Grabbing her shoulders to get her to snap out of her daze.

"Blair listen to me. You did _not _deserve this! You need to tell the police or I will."

"I can't." Her voice trembled this time and he thought that she was going to start crying again.

"You can Blair, but if you won't do it for yourself, do it for you child." That seemed to get her attention and for a moment or two he saw the old Blair Waldorf.

"My baby." Her hand went to her stomach and she remembered what she had thought earlier that day. She was going to be a mother, and a mother's job was to protect her child.

"I'll talk to Chuck. He promised that he'd change and he has."

"Really? Is that why you have that bruise on your back?" Dan crossed his arms over his chest.

"That was an accident, he apologized."

"He accidentally hit you so hard you have a big bruise on your back?" He knew that she didn't deserve the anger from him, she had been through enough. But it was hard seeing how weak she was, how she made excuses for Chuck.

"Just let me talk to him please?" Her eyes pleaded with him and he couldn't stand it anymore.

"Blair, call the police or I will." He started to walk toward the door, he couldn't handle t anymore, he had to run or scream, just do something to get rid of his anger.

"This is my life, my fight. Not yours." Her voice was so soft behind him and he stopped slightly. "You can't keep rescuing me, let me try to rescue myself."

Dan felt a smile forming on his lips, maybe the old Blair still existed after all. He turned to her again and there was something different there, a determination he hadn't seen since she came back.

"Alright Waldorf, I'll call you tomorrow."

After he left Blair stood alone in a daze. She felt relieved that somebody finally knew, she realized suddenly that she couldn't stay with Chuck. He had gone too far this time. The strength within her that she thought was gone forever was there and she realized that she needed to do this. She needed to leave Chuck. She didn't deserve to be treated like he had treated her and her baby definitely didn't. The determination of leaving Chuck grew stronger.

She was still scared though, scared of what Chuck might do when she told him she was leaving him, scared of raising a child alone, scared of everything really. Being with Chuck was all she knew really, she was scared of not knowing how to live without him. But anything would be better than forever living with the fear of Chuck hurting her or her child again.

**So what did you think? Is it horrible? I really need feedback right now, and if it sucks tell me, but obviously I want positive feedback, call me insecure… Thank you again for the reviews!**


	8. Chapter 8

**Authors Note: First of all, thank you all so much for taking the time to review! They really make my day!  
Second of all this chapter is written a bit differently and I hope that it's not hard to follow.**

**Review and tell me what you think! Oh and if anybody have any requests tell me and I might write it! :)**

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**Present:**

Dan had spent almost every day with Blair since he found out about Chuck and the days they didn't spend together they would text and call each other. The last week had been crazy and exhausting, more so for Blair than for him. And today was the day that Blair was going to leave Chuck.

**One week earlier:**

The day that Dan found out about Blair's secret he had been livid all day, he went to the gym to blow of some steam, he listened to angry rock at the highest volume, but nothing seemed to work. He called Blair later that evening, asking her about how she was feeling, if she had talked to Chuck. He would probably spend the night at his office, he had a lot of work to do she had answered coolly.

**Last Tuesday:**

She came to the loft and they had talked for hours, like they used to. They were laughing between sips of tea, watched Rosemary's Baby and Dan let Blair read some of the short stories he had written the last few years. Some made her laugh, some made her tear up but she always critiqued him, just like she always had.

During dinner Dan finally asked what both had thought about the entire day.

"What are you going to do Blair?" She looked up, spoon halfway to her mouth.

"I'm, I'm going to talk to him." She stuttered

"You need to tell the police. And your family."

"It's Chuck Bass, Dan. He won't go to jail, he and Bart will make sure of that. It doesn't matter what I say."

"So what? You're going to tell him what? That you never want to see him again? And if he does leave, what if he finds some other woman to beat up?" He still had a hard time believing what had happened to Blair the last few years, saying that Chuck actually beat Blair didn't sound real.

"No! No, that's not… I don't know." She lowered her head defeated. "I just want to get through this."

"We will." Dan put covered her hand with his larger one. "We will." He repeated.

**Present:**

Blair was putting on her clothes, doing her make-up. Like it was just another day, like this day wouldn't be one of the most important ones in her entire life. She was shaking slightly she noticed as she put on her mascara, getting black marks from the brush on her eyelid. She saw Vanessa standing in the doorway in the reflection.

"What are you doing here?" She put the mascara down.

"I thought you might need some help getting through today." The raven haired girl picked up some tissue and removed the black from Blair eyelid, then proceeded to finish Blair's make up.

"I know that we just started becoming friends, but I want you to know that I will be here for you." Blair didn't respond, just stared up at Vanessa "My sister went through a similar thing." Vanessa continued "I helped her then, and I think I can help you too."

"Thank you."

**Last Wednesday:**

A few days passed and Blair still didn't talk to Chuck, instead she surrounded herself with work, looking at prints and fabric, made sure everything was ready for fashion week which was in a week. She hadn't worked much at all since she got back, luckily most of the work had been done and only a few final details remained.

Then she went to dinner with Nate, Serena and Dan and it almost felt like no time at all had gone by. They were joking and laughing. Blair made fun of Dan's horrid plaid shirt and Dan said that it was a Ralph Lauren so she shouldn't complain.

"Just because it's a brand, does not mean that it's a good look."

That turned in to a conversation between Serena and Blair about fashion fails last year and the guys ignored them and talked sports. It was such a cliché Blair thought.

**Last Thursday:**

They were fighting, Blair still hadn't talked to Chuck and Dan was starting to fear that Blair was going to stay with Chuck.

"Blair I don't mean to push you but you have to do something!" They were in the kitchen of Blair's penthouse, walking back and forth, grunting, swearing and yelling.

"If you don't mean to push then why do you!?" She yelled back at him.

"Because I don't want him to hurt you! Because you obviously don't want to leave him even after all of this."

"Dan I do! I do want to leave him." She stopped pacing and looked up at Dan who was standing on the other side of the kitchen island. "I want to leave him, I just don't know how."

"Blair, he has been hurting you, beating you, for years. You need to get him out of your life, soon." Dan looked at Blair but her eyes were fastened, frozen in shock on something behind him. He turned around and saw Vanessa and Serena standing in the doorway, both with wide eyes.

"Oh my God Blair…" Serena's lip was quivering slightly, looking at her best friend. Blair looked ashamed, she avoided eye contact with the girls.

"Well Humphrey, thank you for that. Now if you excuse me, I'm going to go lie down." She turned and walked the other way with Dan close after.

"Blair, Blair wait," He grabbed her shoulder lightly.

"No. This is not your fight, not your life. I've told you that. Just, leave me alone for a while." Blair didn't turn around. She sounded crushed when she spoke and it broke Dan's heart. Blair didn't look at anyone and continued to walk.

"What? I mean, what? How?" Serena didn't know what to do, she wanted answers, she wanted to know what had happened, why Dan knew and she didn't. She looked at Vanessa but the dark haired girl didn't meet her eyes, instead she just looked at Dan.

Vanessa had always been able to read Dan better than anyone, they had never really needed words and when she met Dan's brown sad eyes, she got the conformation she needed.

"I should go. You need to talk to Blair." Vanessa excused herself, leaving Serena and Dan alone in the kitchen.

They stared at each other for what felt like hours. Serena didn't know what do believe, what to do and Dan was avoiding her gaze which didn't help.

"What happened?" She finally whispered. "We were going to ask her to lunch with us and then, we hear you say that? How?"

"I don't think I should be the one to tell you, like she said its Blair's life." Dan sighted. "Look, I'm gonna go, so you two can talk. I'll see you tonight at dinner." He walked to the door but stopped when he heard Serena's voice.

"Dan…"

She had tears in her eyes, her blond hair falling down over her shoulders and back, framing her face perfectly.

"Dan, should I have known?"

"No one could have seen this happening, and the only one who can make it stop is Blair." Dan reassured her.

After he left Serena stood in the kitchen, not sure what to do. She decided to make tea for herself and Blair before entering her bedroom. Blair was on her back in her bed, staring up at the sealing.

"Is it okay if I come in?" Serena raised her hands to show Blair the cups in them.

Blair stared at her aimlessly; she had been crying Serena noticed.

"Okay."

Serena sat down next to Blair on the bed; the teacups were next to them on Blair's nightstand.

"You want to tell me what happened the last five years?" Serena's hands found Blair's and for a few minutes they just sat there, staring at each other. Both wondering where it all went so wrong.

Finally Blair opened her mouth, deciding that either way, people would find out what had happened and she wanted Serena, more than anyone to hear it from her. So she told Serena everything. How she and Chuck had been so happy when they moved to France and how great everything was. How it all changed without her really noticing and how Chuck had started to drink more and got more aggressive. That she hadn't even noticed the grips getting harder, the small bruises that would sometimes occur on her skin. How it all got worse and worse and after a while, she didn't recognize herself or Chuck.

When Blair had told her everything Serena was crying, so was Blair.

"I'm so sorry Blair." Serena wiped away the tears from Blair's face with her thumbs.

"I know." Blair did the same to Serena. They had always done that, ever since they were little kids.

"I am going to talk to Chuck, it is over. I just don't know how to."

"I'll help, we all will."

"I don't want people to know, I know that it's going to come out. But I'm ashamed." Blair looked down on their joined hands.

"Of what?" Serena turned Blair's head so their eyes met "You have nothing to be ashamed of, you did not do anything to deserve this."

"I should have listened to all of you, you all warned me."

"No one knew that this would happen Blair." Serena stroked Blair's cheek. "You need to tell you mom, and Nate. You need support and help to deal with this."

Serena stayed at Blair's the rest of the day and spent the night in the guestroom, thankful that Chuck came home late so she didn't have to look at him.

**Present:**

"I still can't believe this." Serena was lying on her bed talking to Nate on the phone.

"I know, me neither." He sighted "Are we meeting there?"

"Yeah, be there at 9."

"Alright bye." Serena barely heard him, she was too busy thinking about tonight. She let out a frustrated scream. How the hell could this have happened?

**Last Friday:**

Blair had fought and argued and refused to tell anybody else. It was enough that Dan, Serena and Vanessa knew. _Vanessa Abram, _they were barely friends and she knew and it made Blair sick. But after talking to Serena and Dan for hours and hours, avoiding Chuck all that she could and somehow work she was exhausted, and she knew that they were right. She needed to tell her family.

So that night, she had told everybody that needed to know. Her mom and Cyrus, Nate and Vanessa, Dorota, Lily, Eric, Rufus and Jenny. Even Carter. There had been even more tears, disbelief, especially from Lily, she didn't want to believe that her son had become this. Nate had been furious, so had Cyrus. Eleanor had cried and hugged her daughter as tight as possible, wanting to protect her only girl from this, but knew that it was too late.

Jenny and Vanessa had been surprisingly comforting. Dorota had been mumbling in polish, pacing back and forth, stopping a few times to hug and kiss Blair. Whispering that she would do whatever it takes to help her.

After talking and explaining and crying they all sat down. Exhausted and shocked.

Blair looked around at all the people in the room and realized that all these people wanted to help her. Even people she had treated horribly had stuck around for her now. She wasn't alone. And to her surprise, telling them didn't feel bad, she actually felt relieved.

**Present:**

Blair was sitting next to Nate at the dinner table, the rest of her family and friends were scattered around the room, no one really talking, just giving Blair support. Eric and Jenny were the only ones that didn't come, but Blair didn't really expect them too. They had lives, jobs they needed to take care of. But Blair had gotten peonies with a small card saying "Good luck" from Jenny. She was leaning against Nate when she heard the familiar ding of the elevator. Reluctantly she got up, leaving the rest behind.

"Blair I'm home!" She heard Chuck calling out, he sounded drunk. How can one person drink so much, she thought to herself. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, not if he had been drinking. No, no she had to do this.

"Hi Chuck." She greeted him. He must have felt her hesitation because he stopped to look at her. He still knew her, that hadn't changed.

"What's going on?"

Blair kept a safe distance from him, but wasn't afraid. She knew that he couldn't hurt her, not when all those people were in a room behind her.

"I, I think we need to…" She stuttered "This isn't working, we aren't working anymore."

"What?" Cold, collected voice, she knew that voice.

"You need help Chuck, rehab for your drinking and… and jail." She backed as he walked forward.

"Are you serious Blair?" He grabbed a hold of her wrist. "You are ridiculous, who would ever believe you?" The grip tightened on her wrist "Besides, you're mine."

"Let go of her Chuck." Nate said walking forward them fast. Dan, Vanessa, Dorota and the rest was standing behind him, like a small army.

Chuck looked up, surprised at the intrusion.

"What the hell is this?!"

"Did you not hear him? Let go of my daughter!" Eleanor said, her eyes livid.

Chuck let her go, snickering.

"What? You believe whatever little story she's made up? Come on you've known me my whole life."

"Yeah exactly. You tried to rape me, and Jenny and countless others. You try to control everyone around you, you're evil Chuck." Serena said. "Besides the bruise she's got on her back is evidence enough."

"Chuck," Blair whispered, then she met Dan's eyes and she spoke louder, feeling his support "I want you to leave, don't ever come back. I want you out of my life forever." She took out a piece of paper "This is a restraining order and I've called the police. I have enough proof to throw your sorry ass in jail."

Chuck looked at her, shocked. She hadn't spoken with that much confidence in years.

"I won't go to jail, you know that." He looked around the room, looking at his family and friends but didn't find any support. "It's my baby too."

"You're right. And that baby is much better off without ever having to know you." The pent up anger was showing in her eyes "And even if you manage to bribe yourself out of jail, I have that restraining order and all of these people," she gestured to the people in the room "to protect me." Dan and Nate came to stand on either side of her.

Chuck didn't know what to do. He didn't want this; he had never wanted to become this person. But then he looked at Blair and realized that he had destroyed her.

"You can't do this." He pleaded.

The elevator dinged and in came two police officers.

"Charles Bass?" They walked over and cuffed him "You are under arrest for abuse against Blair Waldorf."

Chuck struggled, yelling and trying to shove them off.

"Yes I can." Blair answered, "This is payback Bass." Finally she felt in control, like maybe the old Blair Waldorf still existed.

The elevator closed after them, the last thing they heard were Chuck saying that he wanted his lawyer.

Blair looked around the room, Lily was crying, Blair didn't blame her. It was hard seeing Chuck like that. The old Chuck Bass was gone forever, now a man neither of them recognized but yet, that looked exactly like him was in handcuffs on his way to jail.

"Welcome back Waldorf. It's over Blair." Dan kissed her temple.

"I hope so." She said, pressing one hand to her stomach and the other one was holding on to Dan's with all her strength.


	9. Chapter 9

**Authors Note: So I decided to speed things up a bit and wrote this chapter a couple of months after the "Chuck intervention" as I like to call it. Hope it makes sense, and also, Dan and Blair's relationship is starting to really grow in this chapter. Hope you enjoy it and please tell me what you think with a comment. They really make my day!**

**Thank you to all who reviews!**

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The following months were busy, fashion week had been a huge success and Waldorf designs were going great, but there also had been meetings with layers, court dates and the press following her and everyone around to find out what broke Blair and Chuck apart. For most part she could handle it, she was used to it, but then there were those times when all she wanted to do was kill the photographers and scream at them. It was those times she was thankful that she had her family and friends, especially Dan. They were closer than ever, talking every day, seeing each other as much as possible. He went with her to doctors appointments, protected her if one of the paparazzi got to close and helped her look for apartments.

She sometimes found herself looking at Dan, his curly hair that she used to hate had become adorable and his plaid shirts were not as ugly anymore and actually comfortable. She recalled one day a couple of weeks ago, they had been out looking at apartments and got stuck in the rain after they had lunch, because really, they were in Brooklyn, cab's apparently didn't exist in Brooklyn. After much arguing and complaining on her part they had finally gotten to Dan's loft and she had borrowed a shirt and shorts from him. Blair couldn't help but smell the shirt, it smelled just like him.

She was also going to therapy, not by choice though. Eleanor had pushed her to go, she needed someone from the outside, someone who actually knew how to handle something like this. Blair knew that she needed to talk about this, she knew that it helped. But then she remembered how hard it had been when she was a teen and went to a therapist to help her get through her bulimia. How much she had cried, how she had to open herself up to someone she didn't know. But it helped. And Blair was older now, more mature and she needed to get her life back. So she agreed to go. Once a week, for two months now and it was hard, harder than she expected.

She had to learn to accept what had happened, that she didn't deserve it all, that Chuck was sick. It had all been crushing and it took time, she was still struggling, she was still afraid but she was also getting stronger. She walked with more pride, she spoke louder and more confident than in years, she was slowly getting over her fear.

Today was a big day though. She was going to the doctor for a health check up and also to find out the sex of her baby and she was so excited. Dan was waiting for her, tapping his foot restlessly.

"Blair!" She heard him call "It doesn't matter what you wear when you're going to a doctor! We're gonna be late!"

"I'm ready!" She called back and applied a layer of lipstick "And for your information Humphrey, it does matter what I'm look like considering the paparazzi following me. I mean, what if a picture ended up on Page six and I was wearing last season's Chanel?"

"Oh, the horror!" Dan mocked "Come on, the car's downstairs." Without even thinking he grabbed her hand and didn't let go. They had been holding hands a lot since the day she confronted Chuck, Blair realized. She felt like she got her strength through him.

Quickly getting in the car they rode in comfortable silence, both enjoying the city as it passed by.

"Oh, I think I've found an apartment." Blair beamed "Four bedrooms, three baths, only a few blocks away from the Van der Vodsen penthouse. I'm going there to sign the papers tomorrow."

"Do you really need all that space though?"

"I was thinking that I could turn one bedroom into a study and then have one guestroom, besides I grew up in a penthouse, most of the time alone. I can't live in a small apartment." Blair looked out the window again, it was getting cold. All the leaves had fallen from the trees, the dark November weather making the people outside look miserable.

"What do you want for Christmas?" She asked.

"Nothing really, maybe spending it on some tropical island? Getting away from the cold?" Dan nudged her "We're here."

"Alright, what do you want that doesn't include you leaving?" She sighted as she got out of the car, completely missing the smile on Dan's face. They both hurried from the car in to the building, hearing their names being called by different journalists.

"I don't know, really." He said as they walked to the elevator. "What do you want for Christmas?"

"To get rid of all the press?" Blair looked out the glass doors to see at least five photographers outside snapping pictures, being held back by doormen.

Dan didn't reply, just looked at Blair sighting heavily. He just wanted this to be over.

"Are you nervous?" Dan asked in the elevator. "About this?"

"A little yes, I mean what if the child isn't healthy? I think I know what the sex is already though." Blair smiled, her hand pressing lightly to the bump there.

"Everything's going to be fine." Dan reassured her and grabbed her hand.

They didn't have to wait long in the waiting room, Blair's doctor walking out with a big smile on her face.

"Ms Waldorf, please come with me." Dan followed Blair in to the small exam room.

Blair laid down in the chair and the doctor went through some questions. Dan couldn't really focus on what the doctor or Blair was saying. He wanted to find out if the baby was healthy, he had been a nervous wreck all week.

"So Blair, this will feel cold." Blair lifted her shirt, exposing her baby bump. Her hand reached out for Dan's.

After a couple of minutes the doctor smiled and said.

"I'm very happy to say that everything looks great."

Blair and Dan both broke out in huge smiles; Blair released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding.

"This is the head," The doctor showed them the head, arms and legs on the monitor, then they went through different things Blair could to, what to eat etc.

"You want to know what the sex of the baby is?" Finally, _finally, _the question Dan and Blair had been waiting for.

"Yes." Blair smiled nervously.

"So… it's a girl!" The doctor smiled at them.

Blair and Dan looked at the monitor, then at each other, then at the doctor, neither of them knew what to say or do except smile.

Finally Dan broke the silence

"Is it what you thought?"

"Yes." One single tear slipped down her cheek which she wiped away fast "Sorry, I just didn't think it would be this emotional."

"Believe me, I've seen it before, many. It's completely normal." Her doctor reassured her "You have nothing to worry about."

Blair smiled as a few more tears fell from her eyes. She was surprised that she actually had any tears left, they should be all gone by now.

"Here's your sonogram Ms. Waldorf." She handed Blair the picture "The first picture of your baby girl."

It only made Blair cry more, happy tears that didn't seem to stop anytime soon. Dan took the picture, seeing that Blair couldn't and then wiped her tears away.

"Come on Waldorf, no more tears."

"Thanks Dan." She whispered. She thanked him for everything, owed him everything. If it wasn't for Dan she still would have been with Chuck, maybe fighting or getting a slap from him at this very moment. She didn't know what would have happened, but she knew that Dan had saved her life.

Later that night Dan, Blair, Serena, Nate and Vanessa all went out to celebrate. Blair, Vanessa and Serena had all arrived together and gotten a table as they waited for the guys.

"Hey Blair," Serena said after they all had sat down "how did you know it was a girl?"

"I don't know, it was just a feeling." Blair shrugged.

"I can't wait! I will be the best aunt ever!" Serena beamed.

"What about me? I will be an awesome aunt too!" Vanessa said from behind her menu and Blair smiled at her. A few months ago Blair would never have thought that Vanessa would be in her life, much less in her child's life, but Vanessa really had been a friend to her since everything with Chuck was revealed. They had become really good friends, and much to Blair's dismay, found out that they actually had similar interests.

"You will be the boring aunt who refuses to give her candy and forces her to get straight A's, I will be the awesome aunt who teaches her about sex and buys her condoms." Serena teased, immediately getting a death glare from Blair.

"You will do no such thing! I want this kid to turn out normal, not like us." Blair snorted. "Now, where are the boys? I'm starving!" She had been eying the chicken on the menu, remembering how good it was from when she had dinner with her mom a couple weeks ago.

"Nate just texted saying that they're a couple of blocks away, apparently they have a surprise." Vanessa said.

A waiter came and took their drink orders while they waited, Serena and Vanessa both had wine and Blair was a little bit jealous, she missed having a glass of wine every now and then, but stuck with sparkling water.

A few minutes later Dan and Nate showed up, and sat down. Nate sat in between Serena and Blair and Dan sat between Blair and Vanessa around the round table. Nate was holding a small gift bag in his hands.

"What is it? Let me see!" Blair tried to snatch the bag from Nate but he just held it further away from her making Blair groan.

"You are not five years old anymore Waldorf." Dan chuckled.

"Give it!" Blair pouted, ignoring Dan completely.

Before Nate had the time to object Serena grabbed the bag quickly and handed it to Blair.

"Not cool Serena, not cool." Nate sighted.

Blair opened the bag quickly, inside there was a white box with a pink ribbon on it. Blair looked at Dan suddenly uncertain if she wanted to open the box but he nodded to her, signaling that it was okay.

Inside the box was a pink and white baby dress with a big white bow at the waist, it was similar to one that Blair had when she was a baby. She remembered telling Dan about how much she had loved that dress, even when she got older she had asked her mom for a similar one, but Eleanor said that it was for babies, not for a young lady like herself.

"Oh my God." She was at a loss of words as she held up the dress to show the others. Vanessa and Serena made aww noises, feeling the fabric and commenting on how small it was.

"I can't take credit though, it was Dan's idea." Nate said.

"Well, this child will probably be more spoiled than any child in this world considering who the aunts and uncles are, but this way, I have an advantage." Dan laughed "And I remembered how you told me about your dress, when I saw this I just knew that I had to buy it." He continued softly looking in to her eyes. His soft brown orbs meeting her own, making her melt inside. He was so good to her, always had been.

Was she falling for Dan? She suddenly found herself asking. No, she couldn't be, it was too soon after Chuck and she was having a baby. Starting another relationship was not on her list of priorities right now, and besides, Dan didn't feel the same way. Right?

She carefully folded the tiny dress before putting it back in the box, she then got up and hugged Dan who stood up too.

"Thank you." She whispered in his ear and kissed him on the cheek.

"No need to thank me." He whispered back and stroked her cheek lightly. They stood there looking in to each other's eyes completely obvious to the outside world.

Dan looked at Blair, and was suddenly hit with a wave of pride. She had changed and grown so much these past few months. She had almost become the woman he used to know, who he used to love. When he felt her lips on his skin he felt the familiar, yet unfamiliar tingle that he got when they were together, like his skin was on fire. He knew that the feelings he'd had for Blair would never really go away, even when he hated her. He had fallen in love with her as a friend again during these months though. Talking every day, watching movies, holding her when she had a bad day, it all felt like it did six years ago. But now, he wondered if maybe he was starting to fall in love with her as something more again.

Serena and Vanessa gave each other knowing looks while Nate looked back and forth between Dan and Blair and Vanessa and Serena, confused.

"What…? Oh." He finally caught on "Are they?" Nate mouthed to Vanessa as he pointed his finger back and forth between Blair and Dan discreetly. Vanessa shrugged and smiled.

When the waiter came to take their orders Dan and Blair were forced out of their trance. Both wondering what just happened.

The rest of the dinner they talked all things baby. Baby clothes, baby names, baby toys. Well really it was Serena and Vanessa who talked, Nate had looked bored and Dan and Blair had shared awkward glances.

"Blair, did you find an apartment yet?" Nate trying to change the subject asked while they were eating desert.

"Yeah actually, I have. I'm going there tomorrow to sign the contract. It's a couple of blocks from the Van der Vodsen penthouse, four bedrooms, three baths." Blair said in between bites of her chocolate cake "Hey Serena, Vanessa, want to come with? And then maybe lunch?" Even though Blair didn't want to admit it, she wanted someone to come with her, for support. She had never done anything like this before, it was always Chuck who had handled stuff like this. She usually just tagged along to approve of everything.

"I can't, I have meetings all day." Serena pouted "Nate's a slave driver when he wants to be." She looked accusingly at him.

"Hey, you were the one who wanted more than just the blog." Nate raised his hands to protect himself from the smack Serena was sure to give him. "And stop abusing me woman." The words left his mouth before he had time to think. Everyone at the table instantly looked at Blair who had a stony expression on her face.

"Oh my God Blair, I'm so sorry." Nate instantly reached for her hand. "I'm an idiot, I wasn't thinking."

The silence was unbearable, Blair really didn't know what was worse, the fact that Nate was an complete idiot sometimes or the silence. Finally she sighted and gave a tight smile.

"It's fine. Actually it's not but I need to get over it." She grabbed the fork and took another bite of her cake. "So Vanessa, you want to come with tomorrow?"

"Blair, you can't rush this. It will take time." Dan said softly.

"I know. But I need to be able to handle stuff like this right? This certainly won't be the last time something will remind me, I'm reminded every day as it is, but people around me will forget and I need to handle it." She gave a softer smile this time "It's just…hard."

Nate put his arm around her shoulder so she was leaning against him.

"I know, and I'm sorry." He kissed her temple "If I ever say or do something like this again…"

"Which you probably will." Blair interrupted him "And like I said, this won't be the first time. I will learn how to handle it. I don't want you to feel like you're walking on eggshells around me."

They all sat in silence again for a while, eating their deserts and wondering when life got so hard, so complicated.

"I'll come with you tomorrow." Vanessa broke the silence "But you're buying me lunch."

Blair smiled "Deal."

They finished dinner and all went their respective ways. Nate and Vanessa took a cab to the Upper West Side, Serena had her town car to take her home to her apartment she shared with Carter and Blair decided to walk the few blocks to the penthouse.

"Want some company?" Dan asked as they all had said good bye.

"Sure." Blair smiled at him while pulling her coat tighter around her body, shielding herself from the cold November air.

They walked in silence for a few minutes, it wasn't awkward or comfortable, but for the first time in a very long time, neither knew what to say. They shared glances and sometimes their hands would touch accidentally and they both stepped further away from each other.

It shouldn't be awkward Blair thought, they held hands all the time, she leaned against him _all the time._ Maybe that was the problem? Maybe she had gotten to dependant on him?

Dan didn't know what to do, didn't know what to say or how to act. Even back in high school when he had hated Blair, he had always had something to say to her. When their hands brushed he felt like he got an electric shock. He couldn't fall in love with her, not again. It was too familiar, her being pregnant and confused, he being her biggest supporter.

Before either of them knew it they were outside Blair's building.

"So…" Blair said looking up at him, biting her lip.

"So…"

There was a silence. Again.

Dan sighted heavily, trying to keep his eyes of her lips.

"Thank you again for the dress, it is beautiful."

"No problem Waldorf." He smiled.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Tomorrow." He leaned down and kissed her cheek, probably lingering longer than he should have before pulling.

Blair watched him as he walked down the street for a few seconds before hurrying inside the building.

What the hell happened tonight? She wondered.


	10. Chapter 10

**Authors Note: Hey guys! As always I want to thank everybody who reviews, they make me so happy. Other than that I just want everybody to know that Blair is about 19 weeks pregnant now and that this chapter is probably the fluffiest I've written.**

**Hope you enjoy this chapter, because I really enjoyed writing it! Oh and review, it only takes a minute, tops!**

* * *

One week. One week since he saw Blair last, the night they all had dinner. It wasn't that he didn't want to see her nor was he avoiding her. Okay maybe he was but the sudden feelings he had gotten during the dinner freaked him out. Blair was pregnant, she was hurt and confused, if Dan didn't know any better he thought he had went back in time. It was all so familiar but at the same time it wasn't; Blair was a different person from what she was six years ago, she had had to rebuild herself after her relationship with Chuck, she was going to raise a child on her own, she was a woman now, not a scared 21 year old.

And Dan was a man now. He grew up a lot these years, he had too. Blair leaving, breaking his heart, Serena started doing drugs, Jenny came back as a completely new person, no longer angry or scheming, just a hard working girl. The girl she used to be. It had all forced him to grow up. He was in better control of his feelings now, he didn't let himself fall in love. Not anymore. But Blair, oh God, she was Blair. The doe eyed, girly evil goddess who had fascinated him for ten years now. Had it really been that long? It certainly didn't feel like it. Dan could feel himself falling for her again, that feeling he had in the beginning, when they were working together at W. He was completely screwed. And tonight there was a Thanksgiving dinner at the Van der Vodsen's, she was going to be there, as were everybody else. He was double screwed. Vanessa and Serena had prodded him about Blair all week, constantly bugging him, like flies. When he told Vanessa that, she smacked him in the back of his head hard.

"We are trying to help you know."

"But Vanessa, you really aren't. Me and Blair the past." He ignored the way Vanessa looked at him in disbelief, a small grin on her face.

* * *

"Blair, would you just calm down? It's not good for the baby." Serena sighed as she unpacked another box. Blair was moving in to her apartment today, why she chose to start moving on Thanksgiving, Serena didn't dare ask.

"Calm down? You expect me to calm down!? Chuck's not going to jail Serena!" Blair was furious. Bart had made sure that Chuck didn't go to jail, even though there was more than enough evidence against him.

"But he is going to Australia, he's not coming back." Vanessa came in with another box "Eleanor made sure he signed the contract. She probably scared the living hell out of him too."

"What if he comes back anyway? I mean, it's Chuck." Blair's shoulder slumped, she felt defeated. She would always have to live with the fear of Chuck coming back in to her life.

"If he comes back, he breaks the contract, if he comes near you he breaks the restraining order, if he comes back you have all of us to protect you." Vanessa threw her arm around her shoulders "You have your own personal army. Besides, both Nate and Dan would gladly punch his face, and dick in."

Dan. _Dan._

She hadn't seen him in a week, yet it felt like years. There had been a few text messages, a couple of phone calls but she hadn't seen him at all. She was busy with moving and Waldorf Designs, he was busy doing, well whatever Dan did. Writing and hanging out with Nate she guessed. She wasn't avoiding him. Not at all.

Except she was. She didn't know what had happened last week, all she knew was that it felt odd. She didn't think she would ever have feelings for Dan again; it had always been Chuck, even when it wasn't. But that jolt of electricity when their hands brushed, the way he remembered the smallest details she told him, the way she could cry and laugh when she was with him. It was all odd. And great. And most of all confusing.

"Blair, where do you want me to put this?" Vanessa was still holding the box.

"Oh, that's stuff for the kitchen." Blair was put out of her reverie.

"Why have you not hired people to do this? Why treat us like your personal slaves?" Serena grunted as she lifted another box to put in the nursery.

"Because I want to do this by myself, I don't want somebody else to do this for me. This is my way of getting control of my life, my shrink's idea." Blair picked up a box she knew wasn't heavy to carry to her room. "Besides, you offered your help, I never asked for it!" She yelled as she looked through the box.

"Because I am your friend. I didn't expect you to turn in to a psychotic dictator!" Serena yelled back as she sat down next to Vanessa on Blair's brand new couch, shoes and all.

"You've known me for 23 years, you know exactly how I would act." Blair walked back to Serena and Vanessa. "Get off my couch, you're gonna get it dirty!"

Both girls rolled their eyes but got up from the couch anyways.

"Oh shit, we need to go, the dinner is in a few hours." Serena rushed to get her things "I promised mom I'd help." She walked to the door and waited for Vanessa to join her. "Dinner at seven B, see you in a few hours."

And then they were gone. Blair stood in the middle of the living room for a few minutes looking around. This was hers and her alone. She could do whatever she wanted there, it would be her sanctuary. And in about five months her little baby girl would be right there with her. Just the two of them together. And then it hit Blair, it would just be the two of them. She was ready to be a mother, but doing it alone was a scary thought, a thought that hadn't really entered her mind until now.

Blair sat down on the couch in front of her. Thoughts about late night screaming, spit up and little to no sleep entered her mind, and for a moment she freaked out. But then thoughts of bringing her daughter home from the hospital, her child saying mom for the first time, her first steps entered her mind and she smiled. She was going to be okay.

* * *

Dan was late to the dinner, not much but enough for everybody else to get there and shoot him looks for delaying the dinner.

"Finally, where have you been?" Jenny grabbed a hold of his arm and pulled him in to the penthouse.

"I was writing, and then I fell asleep. I'm not even twenty minutes late, and it's not like we ever eat on time anyways."

"I'm starving, and everybody's here already." Jenny led him to the table; the only empty chair was in between his sister and Blair. Of course, Dan thought.

Blair looked up at him shyly, biting her lip. Sighing Dan sat down next to her ignoring the rest of the people who began to gather food on their plates.

"Hey, how are you?" Why was it awkward, they were friends, only friends Dan thought.

"I'm good, started to move in to the apartment today." Blair cut her turkey, using more power that she needed to cut the meat.

"On thanksgiving? Really?"

"Yeah, I wanted to start as soon as possible. And the couple that had the apartment didn't leave until yesterday." Blair stopped eating and met his eyes "What have you been doing?"

"Oh you know, the usual." Dan fumbled with his fork "I started a new book."

"That's good." She began eating again.

The rest of the dinner they only exchanged a few words, mostly Blair talked to Nate and Serena and Dan was talking to Jenny and Eric. Sometimes Blair would catch Vanessa who sat across from her looking at them, frowning, and she would send her a death glare in return.

"What the hell are you doing?" Vanessa whispered, meaning for no one to hear but Nate turned to Blair anyways, when Dan excused himself to go to the bathroom.

"Nothing." Blair whispered back, a slight edge to her voice. Vanessa just smiled at her knowingly and winked.

"Oh shut up." Blair muttered, causing a chuckle from both Nate and Vanessa.

After dinner Dan sat with Nate and Eric, each of them a beer in hand when he saw Blair walking up the stairs of the penthouse alone. Getting up from the chair he was sitting in he followed her. He found her in Serena's old room standing by the window looking out at the city. Dan slowly entered the room, not wanting to startle her.

"Stop lurking Humphrey." She didn't turn around.

"How did you know it was me?" He came to stand beside her.

"Oh please, I recognize your cheap aftershave anywhere."

Dan smiled at her, she had told him once that she loved the way he smelled, so he never changed his cologne.

"You haven't been by." She then stated, still looking out the window.

"Neither have you."

They stood in silence, but unlike before it was comfortable. After a few minutes Blair spoke again.

"Whatever it was that happened last week at dinner, it can't happen again." She turned to him now and grabbed a hold of his hand.

"I know." He had known from the beginning that he couldn't get involved with Blair again. Even though it hurt him, he knew that she needed time on her own, to become her own person again. But as he looked in to her big brown eyes he saw a sadness there.

"I wanted to thank you, for everything. Without you, I would probably still be with Chuck, living in fear. I'm not afraid anymore, even though he…" She trailed of and looked out the window again.

"Even though he won't go to prison?" When she looked at him quizzically he shrugged "Vanessa told me."

"She really need to learn how to stay out of other people's business." Blair sighed.

"She does it because she cares." Blair rolled her eyes dramatically. "Hey," he turned her face to him again "I'm so proud of you. It's only been a few months and you are saying that you aren't afraid. To hear you say that makes me so incredibly happy, I'm getting my Waldorf back." He smiled warmly at her and she blushed.

She turned and sat down on the bed, looking up at him. He didn't move and looked back at her, searching her face for any indication of what she was thinking. A few minutes passed by before either of them spoke again.

"I came to a realization today." Blair finally said.

"Really?"

"I'm raising my child by myself, and as scared I am, I know that it'll be okay." The smile on her face was pure happiness. It wasn't a huge grin nor was it a smirk, just a small, simple smile and it made Dan's hurt flutter.

"I mean, obviously I would like her to have a father, but I think I can do a pretty good job on my own."

He went to sit down next to her and put his arm around her shoulder.

"You will be an amazing mom. With or without Chuck, or anybody else." He put his hand on her stomach and suddenly felt movement under his hand and he quickly yanked it away.

"Oh my God did she just…?" Dan stared at Blair in disbelief.

"She just kicked! Oh my God!" Blair pressed her hand to where his had previously been and grinned at him.

"Wow…"

* * *

Later that night Blair was sitting on her bed in her apartment, the bed was really the only thing that was completely unpacked and put together when she heard the doorbell ring. It was late, almost 1 A.M and she wondered who it could be. She looked through the peephole, only to see Dan on the other side, still wearing the same clothes he had at the dinner.

"Dan, what are you doing here?" She yawned, pulling her rope tighter around her body.

"Remember when you were pregnant with Louis child? And you asked me if I thought that Chuck would be able to love another man's child and if it would matter to him. Do you remember what I answered?" He stared at her, when she didn't answer he continued. "I said that it wouldn't to me. And I still mean that."

Blair stared at him, in shock. Did he just offer to…? Before she could finish her thought Dan started talking again.

"Look, I just want you to know that. I know that you said that you were ready to raise her alone, I know that, but just think about it. And if you are sure that you want to raise your daughter on your own, you will do an amazing job. You will be an amazing mom no matter what. But if you feel like you sometimes need help, I'll be there."

Before Blair had the chance to reply Dan walked away, leaving her more confused than ever.


	11. Chapter 11

**Authors Note: Sorry for the delay, I hope that the people who reads this story isn't giving up on me. I moved and haven't had any Internet and I got kind of stuck during this chapter. I will get another chapter up as soon as possible and I hope this isn't to much of a disappointment! **

**Thank you to all who reads and reviews, please keep doing it! And enjoy this chapter.**

* * *

When Dan left Blair stood stunned for a few seconds before hurrying inside her apartment to call Serena. She answered sleepily but after Blair told her what had happened she hurried over to Blair's. They both lay on their backs on Blair's bed staring up at the ceiling.

"Tell me again what he said."

"He said that he would help me raise the baby, if I wanted him too."

"Huh."

They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither of them talking. Finally Blair turned to her side, resting her head on her palm while staring down at Serena.

"It's crazy right? I mean, he offered to co-parent with me."

Serena mimicked Blair on the bed, turning to her side too.

"I don't know B," She put her hand on Blair's stomach, Blair's own hand covered hers "I mean, it's Dan. He will be a great dad to her, and he loves you."

"But, I don't want my child to grow up thinking that Dan is her dad." She ignored the little jump her heart did at Serena's last words. He loved her as a friend, nothing more, she had to remind herself.

Serena looked at Blair with a questioning expression.

"Why not?" She finally asked.

"Because Chuck can always come back, at anytime, anywhere." She didn't realize that she had squeezed Serena's hand tighter at the mention of his name. Serena smiled at her sadly, knowing that she was right. "And I don't want to lie to her." She sighed heavily and closed her eyes.

"You have us, all of us."

"I know."

Suddenly the baby kicked, causing Blair to smile and Serena to squeal. She had missed it earlier, the baby stopped kicking before anybody else except Dan got to feel it.

Blair looked in to Serena's blue eyes, the smile on the blondes face matched her own. She had her baby, she had everything she would ever need.

* * *

Dan found himself walking the streets of New York aimlessly thinking about the events of his day. He didn't know what had caused him to go to Blair's, or even why he had offered his help. But it felt right, not like it did with Milo when he was forced in to parenthood, thinking about Blair's baby girl caused a smile on his face, he already wanted to hold and feed her and she wasn't even born yet.

Somehow he ended up close to Vanessa and Nate's apartment. He called Vanessa to see if she was still up, he needed to talk to someone about this. She picked up on the third ring and told him to use his spare key and she'd put on some tea.

When Vanessa opened the door she was dressed in a white fluffy robe, her hair was in a messy bun and her movements slow. She had been asleep Dan realized. They sat down across from each other at the huge oak table in the dining room with their steaming cups in front of them. Dan was stirring his spoon slowly around in the dark liquid, enjoying the warmth of the cup against his cold hands.

"So what's up?" Vanessa stretched slightly, raising her hands above her head and yawning.

"I… I think I offered to help Blair raise her baby." Saying the words made it more real and it sounded almost insane even to him.

"What?!" Those blue eyes stared at him in disbelief.

"I don't know. I mean, I don't even know if she wants any help, she told me today that she was ready to do this on her own. But she's Blair, she's always wanted a family, and I don't know, maybe this is a bit unconventional but she would have a family. Her child too. I'm not trying to take Chuck's place, I'm really not. I just think that she deserves everything, especially after what she's been through these last years. And I want to be there for her, I have to be there for her."

Dan was rambling and didn't stop until Vanessa took his hand over the table. Her darker shade contrasting with his pale skin. He looked down at their hands and then at her. Vanessa had a soft smile on her face, a smile Dan really hadn't seen in a while.

"No matter what she decides, you will be there for her, and she knows that. She is so lucky to have you Dan, I don't think you realize how much you've already helped her."

Dan smiled at her, releasing a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. With his other hand he started to stir the tea again, Vanessa did the same. When they had finished the tea in silence Dan went to the guestroom, Vanessa had already put out fresh linens for the bed.

* * *

The following day was busy for Blair, and the people around her. Serena, Vanessa, Nate and Dan were moving furniture and boxes unpacking the heavier stuff and then having to do it over again because Blair wanted something more to the left or closer to the wall. The nursery needed to be painted, because really, it's better to do it now when there aren't any furniture in there, Blair stated. Everybody grunted and sweated as Blair continued to boss them around.

Serena had enough after a few hours and called a moving firm, much to Blair's dismay. But it did get everything done much faster and three days later Blair was completely unpacked, everything was in its place and she couldn't be happier with the outcome. It was welcoming and warm yet had a chic edge to it. It was Blair, pure and simple.

Blair used the hectic days not to think about Dan's proposal, and she was thankful that he didn't bring it up. Serena and Vanessa looked at them with strange looks when they thought she wasn't paying attention, but Blair was always aware of her surroundings. But when she was alone in her bed at night she couldn't help to think about Dan and what he offered. How could she not? It was something that would change her life completely and there were so many questions she needed answers too.

That Friday Blair had a dinner with her friends and family in her new apartment as a house warming. There was talking, eating, drinking and laughs all through the evening. It wasn't until only Vanessa, Nate and Dan were the ones left that Blair realized that it was 11.30.

"You need some help cleaning up?" Dan was suddenly behind her, his hand on her shoulder. "Vanessa and Nate are leaving and there are so many dirty plaits and glasses I'm afraid you'll faint."

"Do you really think that I bought an apartment without a dishwasher Humphrey?" She tried to subtly move away from his touch.

"Of course, what was I thinking?" He snickered at her, his eyes so warm, so full of adoration. Blair couldn't help but feel a little lost as she stared in to them.

"Then let me load the dishes. You shouldn't carry to much stuff."

"I'm pregnant Dan, not handicapped."

Vanessa and Nate said their goodbyes quickly; Nate had a few too many beers Blair noticed when he stumbled on the rug. Vanessa laughed at him, the last thing they heard before they closed the door was Vanessa calling him an idiot.

Dan and Blair both chuckled as they made their way in to the kitchen and started to load the washer.

"Not the wineglasses though, they're too fragile for the machine." Blair warned him and started to wash them by hand as Dan kept putting the dirty plates and silverware in the dishwasher. They worked in a comfortable silence and finished quickly.

"Hey, are you tired?" Blair asked as she made her way to the living room.

"Not really, why?" He watched as she sat down on the couch and turned the TV on.

"I was thinking about watching _Gone with the Wind_ want to join me?"

"Blair, that movie is like four hours long." Dan ran his hand through his hair watching as Blair put the DVD in.

"So?" She sat down and stared up at him with big eyes.

"Yeah sure, why not." Dan sighed before lying down on the opposite side of the couch, one foot dangling of the couch and the other bent so Blair could sit comfortable. Except for Blair mumbling a few lines here and there they watched in silence. Dan tried not to pretend that he didn't completely fall in love with the love story between Scarlett O'Hara and Rhett Butler every time he watched the film and Blair teased him about it anyway because she knew how much he liked the movie.

When the movie ended neither made any effort to turn the TV off. Instead Dan poked her thigh with his foot, trying to get her to reach for the remote. She kept shoving his foot away muttering something about his disgusting feet were making her new dress dirty. Dan just laughed at her.

After a while Blair got tired of the game and stood up to grab the remote on the table before sitting down again.

"You're such a child Humphrey."

"No, just lazy. It's like four in the morning, I'm allowed." He stretched on the couch, his legs falling on her lap. This time she didn't push them away, instead she rested her hands on his shin and relaxed against the cushions. Her head fell back and her eyes closed, a stillness coming over her.

"Hey Blair?"

"Mhmm?" She didn't move or look at him.

"Are we ever going to talk about the other night?"

Her eyes opened and her back straightened, she looked at him with big eyes.

"I don't mean to pressure you, but it's almost been a week now, and I don't know, I just thought that we could discuss it." He was about to start rambling when Blair lightly started to stroke his shin to get his attention.

"This is my child. I don't want her to call you dad, when she's old enough I will tell he about Chuck. You are not going to replace him and if we decide to do this, there really isn't any turning back for you. You can't be here one day and then leave the next so you need to be sure. But with that said, having you in my life, and hers, can't be anything but good." She finished with a smile, her hands were grasping the jeans of his pants in a grip.

Dan studied her for a while. She was right, if he was going to do this, offer to help her then he couldn't back down. It would be a life commitment. He pictured late nights and fights with Blair about the most random things. But he also saw all the good, her first day of school, the love he would have for her. A love that was there already and only would grow.

"So, what you're saying is that you want me to be here, being here for you and the baby? Raise her?" He couldn't keep the grin off his face.

"Yes, but only if you are one hundred percent sure."

"I am." There was no hesitation in his voice.

"We have a lot of stuff to clear up and discuss."

"I know. But maybe we could do that tomorrow? When we've both gotten some sleep?" Dan got up from the couch and held his hand out to help her up. She accepted his hand, her grip a little too tight.

"You can sleep in the guest room. I'll see you tomorrow." She reached up to kiss him on the cheek and then went to her bedroom. The guestroom was the opposite direction but Dan couldn't turn until she was completely out of sight.

He would be lying to say that he wasn't scared about what was going to happen but the feeling he got when he felt the baby kick for the first time, or just now when Blair told him that she wanted him to be there for her, it was a feeling he had never experienced before.


	12. Chapter 12

**Authors Note: So this was supposed to be up by New Years so obviously I'm way off schedule, but I hope you like it anyway. Things are definitely picking up between Dan and Blair, you'll get Blair's POV in this chapter but there is still a pretty long way to go. I'm planning about 18-20 chapters if people are still interested. **

**Also, is anyone interesting in reading a Penn/Leighton fic with some bits of Dair? Let me know because I have a Peighton (I guess?) idea. **

**Enjoy this and please review!**

* * *

Ever since Blair and Dan decided that they were going to raise Blair's child together everything had went back to normal. It was odd Blair thought, how normal it had been to discuss living arrangements, preschool, kindergarten, if they would have a nanny or not, with Dan. It became clear within days that they had completely different views on parenthood and there had been a lot of compromises, more that Blair would have liked. But the weeks went by somewhat smoothly, their family, especially Dan's had been somewhat against the idea but they were Humphries, they were good people.

They decided that Dan would move in to her apartment and live in the spare room once the baby was born but until that he would stay at the loft. Blair didn't want to admit it but she was looking forward to have Dan around, he made her feel younger and happier. And whenever she was having particularly bitchy day he wouldn't be offended or mad like Serena or Nate sometimes got. He was used to it he said, every day with Blair throughout high school had been a bitchy day. She poked him in the ribs and told him to buy her food instead of making up nonsense.

Her hormones were making her friends and family almost fear her, she would be happy one second and then screaming the next. One time a couple of weeks ago when Serena and Blair were watching re-runs of Jersey Shore, a show Blair absolutely detested, Blair started crying hysterically because Snooki's boyfriend left her. It freaked freaked Serena out so much she left and called Dan to come and take care of her.

Now it was Christmas and everybody had gathered at Lily and Rufus's penthouse. Everyone but Dan which surprised and annoyed Blair at more than she'd like to admit. She had started to miss him when they were apart for more than a day, but she did not have feelings for him despite what Vanessa and Serena said. No it was the hormones that were making her crazy.

Everything looked perfect, as usual. Blair was sure there had been at least a dozen decorators, caterers and cooks to get the Christmassy feeling and smell that was so familiar. Under the huge tree in corner of the living room were the presents lying, Blair had already managed to search for some of hers. It wasn't lady like or like Blair, but sometimes you had to be a child she reasoned.

"Boo." Nate came up behind her and covered her eyes with his hands.

"Nate come on, what are you nine years old?" She tried to hide her amusement at his childlike behavior and innocent smile.

"Says the one who's looking for her presents when she thinks no one is looking." He smiled mockingly at her.

"I did no such thing." She poked him hard in the chest "You must be seeing things. Now, I need to find Serena."Blair excused himself leaving a still amused Nate behind her.

She saw Serena standing in the kitchen with Carter and Vanessa and quickly made her way to join the small group, well as quickly as she was able to move in her high heels and stomach which by now was very defined. Blair couldn't believe that there was three more months to go, she would be as huge as a house.

"B!" Serena threw her arm around Blair's shoulder."Where have you been hiding?" Blair could smell the wine on the blonde's breath.

"I've been around." She removed herself from Serena feeling hot. "Serena are you drunk?"

"No!" Serena said as Carter and Vanessa both said yes at the same time.

"Only a couple of glasses of wine." The blonde pouted.

"On an empty stomach." Vanessa reminded her.

Blair sighed but smiled at Serena, remembering that some things would probably never change even as they got older.

"Where are your mom and Cyrus?" Carter asked as he put his arm around Serena's waist.

"They decided to spend Christmas and New Years with Roman and dad." Blair said looking out toward the living room looking for a certain brown haired boy. "Have anybody heard from Dan?" She tried to sound causally but even to her it sounded strained and Vanessa shot her a smug look. Blair glared at her in return.

"I talked to him a while ago and he said that he and Jenny will be here soon." Carter said, not noticing the way the girls looked at each other.

"I'm starving." Serena said looking longingly at the massive amount of food that was set out on the table "Do you think anybody will notice if I eat some of that turkey?"

"Seriously Serena?" Blair asked her entertained by her best friend.

"Just wait for the Humphrey sibling's okay honey?" Carter kissed her on the cheek. "I'm going to join Nate and watch the game."

Of course they'd watch football Blair thought. She knew that the second Carter was gone Vanessa was going to start teasing her with questions about Dan and by now she was getting tired of it. Ever since Dan and her had decided to raise the baby Vanessa's comments and smug looks were becoming frequent, Blair couldn't remember the last time they spent time together and Vanessa didn't bring it up. Thankfully Blair heard the elevator ding Jenny and Dan's voices.

"Merry Christmas!" They both had bags of presents and their cheeks were red from the cold New York winter.

"Merry Christmas Blair." Jenny hugged her awkwardly, they might not be enemies anymore but they weren't friends either. But their relationship was slowly getting better; Blair felt like she might even had begun to like Jenny a little bit.

"Merry Christmas Jenny." She smiled back.

Dan was still in the living room hugging and kissing everybody else and laughed loudly about something Nate said. He didn't even notice her, Blair thought a bit disappointed. She had thought that Dan would go to her first, how stupid of her too think, Dan had his family there, she was just Blair. She turned to Vanessa, Jenny and Serena who were all chatting excitedly.

"I love that dress Jenny!"Vanessa said while sipping on a glass of red wine that Blair hadn't noticed that she had until now.

"Thanks, it's actually an old dress I made a few years ago but I decided to do some modifications." Jenny twirled around laughing and it reminded Blair of what Jenny was like at 14. When all she wanted to do was be Blair's friend, before she became as scheming as herself. She did feel bad about how she had treated Jenny all those years ago, maybe if she hadn't Jenny wouldn't have become a Goth wanna-be and maybe she wouldn't have slept with Chuck.

"You're ignoring me Waldorf?"

Blair turned at Dan's voice behind her. He was grinning at her and Blair completely forgot to insult him because his hair was a complete mess and the sweater he was wearing had a huge picture of Rudolf on the front because he was smiling at her the way he had that day on the Met steps. When he made her feel like a princess.

"Happy Christmas Dan." She said softly and kissed him on the cheek.

"Merry Christmas." He put his hand on her stomach "And merry Christmas to baby Waldorf. Have you come up with any names yet?"

"Well I've had baby names decided since I was a child, but neither of them seems right."

"What are they?" He still had his hand on her stomach and it was spreading a warmth though her. His hand looked almost small on her bump, she remembered a time when his hands felt huge on her body. When his hands would lightly stroke the inside of her thigh or pull her in for a kiss. And she blamed the hormones ones again.

"Audrey or Josephine."

"Of course." He let out a little chuckle.

Blair moved a little closer to the doorframe to get some space between them.

"But neither seems right though."

"You have three more months."

Suddenly Vanessa, Serena and Jenny were pushing past Dan to get out of the kitchen, forcing Dan to stand much closer to her. His hand was on the wall beside her head and his body was pressed to hers. Blair felt the warmth of his skin, smelled his cologne and she had to suppress a small moan. She closed her eyes, willing her body to resist the temptation that was Dan Humphrey. When she opened her eyes Dan had put some distance between them and she wasn't sure if she was relived or exasperated.

"There's no rush."

"Huh?" Blair felt her heart beating in her chest.

"To come up with a name you love." Dan looked at her quizzically "Are you okay? You look kind of flushed"

"Yeah, I'm fine." She forced a tight smile.

"Come on everybody! Let's eat!" They heard Lily from the living room. Carter, Nate and Eric were already sitting by the huge table waiting for the rest. They spent a few hours talking and eating and had a surprisingly calm Christmas. A few years ago there would have been fighting or affairs being discovered but now, it seemed like the drama from years ago was long gone.

After dinner Vanessa, Blair and Nate were half sitting, half laying on the couch, Dan was in the big arm chair next to them and somehow Serena had fallen asleep on the soft rug by his feet.

Carter, Eric and Jenny were still at the table talking quietly and Lily and Rufus were in the kitchen laughing loudly as Rufus tried to grab his wife. How they were even able to move was a miracle to Blair.

"I'm never eating this much again. Ever." Vanessa groaned.

"You say that now, just wait until New Year's, there's a Van der Wodsen dinner then too." Dan chuckled and regretting it immediately, his stomach to full for any kind of movement. Vanessa grunted in return.

"I don't think I'll ever be able to get off this couch." Blair was holding her stomach.

"Does that mean that I don't have to take you home?" Dan looked at hopeful.

"No. And it is getting late, I should get home and get some sleep." She stretched her arms out in front of her "Help me up?"

When Dan didn't make any movement she sighed heavily and dropped her arms.

"Nate could you please kick Humphrey?" She asked sweetly.

"You know normally I would because you are our queen, but I can't move." Nate was lying back against the cushions, his eyes closed but he had an amused smile on his face.

"Jeez Blair, no need to get violent." Dan forced his body to cooperate and managed to get himself off from the very soft, very comfortable chair. He carefully stepped over Serena and toward Blair. Blair smiled a victorious smile and stretched her arms out again. Dan took a hold of her hands and gently pulled her up, groaning as he did so.

"Bye guys."

As Blair said good bye to Lily and Rufus Dan was getting their coats and saying said goodbye to his sister, Eric and Carter.

"It was lovely Lily, but I'm getting tired."

"Of course." Lily smiled and pulled Blair in to a hug which she returned.

"Thank you Rufus." She wasn't expecting the hug she got from him.

"You make him happy." He whispered in her ear. She didn't know what to say so instead she gave him a polite smile before waving good bye to Jenny, Eric and Carter and then joined Dan by the elevator.

He helped with her coat and she saw that he had a strange expression on his face. As they waited for the elevator which took what seemed like forever to reach them Blair could see him looking at her then his eyes drifted upward, then on the doors in front of them and then back to Blair.

"What?" She turned to him slightly annoyed by his behavior.

"Oh uhm I was just thinking about kissing you."

"Wha…" The word died on her lips as they touched his. They were soft and warm against her own and it was over way to soon. She barely had the time to respond before he pulled back. She looked at him stunned for a couple of seconds, her eyes big.

"Why did you do that?"

Dan pointed up and she followed the direction of his finger.

"Mistletoe." She muttered "Of course." That's why he had looked up she thought. Obviously he kissed her because of some stupid holiday tradition.

"Blair? Are you coming?" During her few moments of bitterness the elevator doors had opened and Dan had gotten in. She followed him and they stood next to each other in silence. On their way down Dan took her hand in his.

What the hell is going on, Blair thought as she looked at their joined hands.

* * *

They didn't talk about the kiss. It wasn't something that needed to be discussed. It was just a tradition and Blair didn't want to talk about it. Neither did Dan apparently because he acted like it never happened. A week went by and now it was New Years Eve and Blair was sitting next to Nate in a limo on their way to the Van der Wodsens. Neither she or Vanessa and Nate went to the dinner but were forced to come to the party by Serena. If it was up to Blair she would have stayed in bed, she was pregnant and tired, the black dress she wore didn't feel comfortable and she just knew that when the clock struck 12, she would be standing alone and watch as everybody kissed. Even the Humphrey siblings had dates. Yes, Dan had a date with a woman he'd met at the park a couple of weeks ago. And Blair didn't find out intil a couple of days ago. Her name was Sandra; apparently she was a book editor, beautiful, smart and rich. Blair already hated her.

"Why do I have to go to this thing again?" She asked the couple in the car "I'm pregnant, I'm tired and everybody is going to drink and party. I want to sleep."

"Come on Blair it's new years," Nate said as he sipped champagne "just stay until midnight to ring in the new year with us, something you haven't done in five years, and then you can go home and sleep." His blue eyes and easy smile made her relax a little bit.

"Besides, we're here." Vanessa said as the door opened to let them out.

"Great." Blair sighed as Nate helped her up.

Like she had expected there was way too many people she didn't want to talk to and they were all drinking, some more than others. Serena and Jenny looked like they were about to hit the floor while Carter and what Blair guessed was Jenny's date were standing beside them shaking their heads at the two blondes.

"Happy New Year!" They both half screamed, half laughed as she approached them.

"Happy New years." Blair smiled.

"So is Serena having some sort of teenage phase again?" She turned to Carter "Seems like she's been drinking more than usual."

Carter pulled her in to a hug before smiling warmly "It's the holidays Waldorf. Hey, this is Paul, Paul this is Blair, Serena's friend."

Blair shook his hand and smiled at the blue eyes blonde in front of her.

"Nice to meet you Blair."

"You too."

"Did you really banish Jenny from the city?" He didn't look judgmental, more like amused but it caught Blair by surprise. It must have shown on her face because Paul continued "Jenny talk a lot about you, mostly good though." Blair got even more surprised.

"Really?"

"Of course, how can anybody speak badly about Blair Waldorf?" Suddenly Dan was by her side, dressed in a black suit and a maroon tie, his hair slicked back in an attempt to rule his curls. He looked handsome, grown up somehow.

"Comes from the guy who spent about four years hating me." She elbowed him lightly.

"I never hated, more like disliked a lot." He hugged her to his side and kissed the side of her head "Happy New Years."

"You too."

"So Dan, where's Sandra?" It seems that Paul and Sandra had met, that meant that it might is getting serious between them Blair thought bitterly.

"Oh she's got some sort of stomach virus so she couldn't make it. But she said to drink for her."

And they drank, everybody except for Blair of course. By the time it was 11.45 she was really hating the night. This couldn't be good for her child, or for her but she promised to stay until midnight so she would.

A few minutes before the clock struck 12 Blair found herself in the kitchen with Jenny, how she got there she wasn't quite sure but Jenny was pouring her heart out in a drunken daze.

"You know, I used to hate you, like really hate you. Not only because you were a bitch to me, and the people around you but you also treated yourself like crap. Have you ever seen the movie 'The Perks of being a Wallflower'? Anyway there is this line they say 'We accept the love we think we deserve' and I just never understood how you would be with Chuck. He treated you horribly, and you treated him almost as bad. But then I understood that you believed that you were right for each other. You also broke by brothers' heart, that's another reason I used to hate you. But now, he's happy again, you made him happy and you're well almost nice now and…"

"Alright Jenny, I think that's enough." Dan was once again standing next to Blair without her noticing, how did he do that?

"Paul's looking for you, it's almost midnight."

Jenny disappeared out to the living room, stumbling slightly in her heels.

"Sorry about that." Dan smiled uneasy, knowing that what Jenny had said hit a nerve.

"You're everywhere tonight." She didn't want to start the new year thinking about Chuck so she pushed the thoughts back.

"I need to look out for my best friend now don't I?"

They heard the people in the apartment start to count down from 10 and it was like they could read each other's thoughts.

9!

They faced each other.

8!

Dan took a step closer.

7!

Blair hesitantly put her hands on his upper arms.

6!

His hands were on her waist.

5!

Blair stopped all coherent thoughts as she looked in to his brown orbs.

4!

Dan started to lean down slowly giving her plenty of time to push him away.

3!

He closed his eyes

2!

She ran his fingers through his curls lightly.

1!

She leaned up to meet him halfway

"Happy New Year!"

Their lips met and it was just like it had been during Christmas. It was soft and warm and comforting. His lips moving slowly against hers, she could feel him smile against her lips, and once again it was over far too soon. It was supposed to be a friendly kiss, Blair knew that, so why did she get upset when she wanted more?


	13. Chapter 13

**Authors Note: I'm so sorry for not updating! I know excuses, excuses, but my computer crashed for real and I haven't been able to get a new one. Hopefully I will get another chapter up within a few days but it all depends on the reviews I get. I need to know that people are still reading the story lol.**

**Also, thank you to those who have defended me/my story from the comments some Chair fans has left me. I would be lying if I said that I didn't expect the Chair fans who reads this would flip out but it's really sweet that some of you defended the story. So thank you!**

**Alright, enough rant (I can go on forever, it's sad) and I hope that you enjoy this chapter, and remember to review!**

* * *

Blair and Dan were sitting in the Humphrey loft in silence. Blair was looking at fabric samples and details for the new Waldorf line and Dan was typing furiously on his book.

"What about Rose?" Blair broke the silence, still holding two pieces of fabric that looked exactly alike to Dan. He looked up from his computer with a confused expression and leaned on his hand.

"Who is Rose?"

"No, I mean for the baby, what about Rose."

"Hmm… Rose Waldorf. I like it!" He finally said. "Why Rose though?"

"I don't know. I always liked the name, it's a beautiful flower and its Cyrus's last name and he has been a great dad to me from the start. Even when I didn't want him too. I think it fits." She smiled at him.

"It's great Blair." He said returning her smile before turning back to his computer and Blair started writing down little notes on her work pad that was filled with new ideas.

Little was said between them as they worked in comfortable silence, the kind of silence that you only share with people you are completely at ease with. Blair was sipping on tea while Dan was drinking coffee.

They hadn't talked about the kiss. _Kisses. _It had been two weeks since New Years and not one word about the kisses. Kisses that made Blair's knees weak. And Blair wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. So Blair had shrugged it off, rationalizing it, saying that Dan had always been a good kisser and she hadn't been kissed in months which are why she was reacting to him like she was. Her hormones were obviously making everything harder, confusing her and making her more reactive to his touch.

Shaking her head slightly she got up from the couch to dispose of her cup in the sink and grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. Looking over at him she cleared her throat making him look up at her.

"Want some water?"

"No thanks I…" His eyes suddenly fastened on the clock behind her "Holy shit is that the time?" Within seconds he was standing up and removed his shirt and walked toward the bathroom. Blair forced herself not to gawk.

"I'm supposed to meet Sandra in an hour." He yelled from inside the bathroom, not long after that Blair could hear the shower running. He poked his head out through the door "Give me thirty minutes and we can share a cab."

"Yeah sure, no problem." Blair said as she started to gather her stuff.

Dan and Sandra had been on four dates since New Years, it was four dates too many Blair thought. When she and Dan had discussed raising her baby together, the thought of him dating never really entered her mind. He hadn't dated anyone since she came back almost seven months ago and she had gotten used to him being around. She wasn't sure if she was ready to share him yet, he had been her support system through everything; she didn't want to lose that.

"Let me just get dressed okay?" Dan said when he came out from the shower ten minutes later. He had a towel around his waist and drops of water were running down his chest and stomach and Blair found herself wanting to trace them with her tongue.

"Yeah sure, no problem." Somehow her mouth managed to form words before he caught on to her staring. She watched as he walked to his bedroom and closed the door behind him, blocking her view.

_Get a grip Blair, _she thought to herself as she packed up the remaining items lying on the table.

* * *

Dan found himself at one of the best restaurants on the Upper West Side across from a beautiful woman who liked him. The food he was eating was delicious, the story Sandra told him was entertaining and her blue dress brought out her eyes in ways he hadn't thought possible. But still Dan found himself not enjoying the date. His thoughts were on Blair she had been acting weird around him for a few weeks now and he was beginning to think that she was hiding something from him.

Sandra was great, she was perfect for him in many ways and Dan liked her. She was funny and sweet, attractive and smart. Jenny had once referred to her as the perfect mix between Serena and Blair and Dan had to agree to some level. She was smart and witty like Blair and rays of sunshine like Serena, in some ways she was the perfect woman. But Dan was still a romantic, even if he had became more cynical over the years he was still a romantic at heart and he kept waiting for his heart to flutter. Or go boom at the sight or thought of her like it had in the past but it never happened. Instead his thoughts went to Blair and he literally shook his head to try to get her out of there.

"What are you doing?" Sandra laughed seeing Dan shaking his head.

"Oh sorry, just my neck." He rubbed his neck with his hand "I've been writing and I guess I sat still for too long."

She seemed to buy his excuse and shrugged her shoulder.

Dan took cut a piece of his chicken and chewed it slowly, his mind going back to Blair and the way she had been acting lately. At first he thought that it was hormones and pregnancy related, but she had started to move away when they were standing close, she jumped a little every time he touched her. Serena said that it was because Blair always felt hot when he asked about it but Dan had seen her  
lean on both Nate and her many times so he knew that was a lie.

"So I was thinking that we could go to the Met on Saturday." She said.

"What? Sorry" Dan was pulled out of his revere.

"On Saturday, we promised Jenny and Paul to meet up with them and I was thinking the Met. They have an exhibition called Impressionism, Fashion, and Modernity; Jenny will be happy and can study the fashion while you enjoy Monet and Baudelaire. Paul can… I don't know play on his phone or something." She looked at him quizzically, her blonde hair falling over her face as she leaned closer to him. "Are you okay? You seem kind of…off."

"No I'm good, just thinking about the book." He smiled at her and took her hand over the table "That sounds great. Really, Jenny has been talking about the exhibition."

"Great, I'll call her tomorrow." She took a sip of her wine "So tell me about the book."

* * *

"_Alright Blair just one more push okay?" The doctor said from his spot in between her legs._

_Blair was exhausted, she was sweaty and tired but she forced her body to push with all the power she had left. It didn't take long before a screaming filled the room and Blair laid down on the bed smiling. She watched as the doctor cleaned her daughter up, her beautiful daughter with dark hair._

_She sat up slightly getting ready to hold her baby for the first time but to her confusion the nurse handled the little bundle wrapped in towels to a man sitting in a corner with a surgical mask on._

"_What? No give me my daughter." She said staring at the man. _

_He removed his mask and smiled darkly at her._

"_Look at my daughter Blair. She's beautiful." Chuck said as he rocked the baby back and forth._

"_No Chuck!" She was panicking, why wasn't anybody doing anything? He wasn't supposed to be there, he was in Australia, far away from her. She tried to get out of the bed but her body protested too much and she fell back down, she felt like she was paralyzed. Chuck suddenly stood up and walked to the door._

"_Goodbye Blair."_

Blair woke up sweating and panting, tears were running down her face. She looked around hysterically before she realized that it had been a nightmare. She was shaking and scared as she reached for her phone and went through her contacts, she wanted to call Dan, he would calm her down. When she reached his name, something seemed to click in her, it was only eleven o'clock, he was probably still out with Sandra. Letting out a small sob she decided to call Serena instead, she didn't want to disturb Dan.

"Blair, what's up?" She heard Serena's sleepy voice on the other end of the phone.

"I had a dream. Chuck… He…" She couldn't form words, her head was reeling and the panicky feeling didn't seem to go away.

"What Blair? What did you say?" Serena sounded much more awake now.

"Can you come over?" She didn't want to be alone, not tonight.

"I'll be there in fifteen."

Blair heard the click on the other end and got up from the bed. Her hands were still shaking as she clutched the phone and her legs felt wobbly. She hadn't dreamt about Chuck in months and even when she had the dreams had not been this vivid. They had been blurry and she had never been pregnant. The dreams she had dreamt had been about hiding or running, never about her baby.

She went to the kitchen to get a glass of water. As she reached up to take the glass it slipped from her grasp and fell in to pieces on the counter.

"Oh come on." She said in frustration as she slowly and carefully began to pick up the pieces. She didn't notice that she was crying until a tear fell on her hand. A bit shocked she wiped her tears, telling herself that she was stupid for crying over a dream. She wasn't five years old anymore. Putting the pieces of glass in a plastic carton she sighed heavily at the mess she created. Leaning back against the counter with her hands behind her, she didn't notice a small piece of glass she had forgotten and it went in to her hand. She let out a little scream both of frustration and pain.

"Damn it, damn it, damn it!" She muttered as she removed the glass and inspected the wound. It wasn't deep but it was bleeding a bit and she needed a band aid. Making her way to the bathroom she quickly found the first aid kid Cyrus had insisted on her having and got the band aids out. She was putting it on when she heard the doorbell ring before the lock turned.

"Blair?" She heard Serena's voice calling out.

"In the bathroom." She yelled back. It didn't take more than a few seconds before Serena had joined her in the bathroom. "You know I almost regret giving you a key." Blair muttered.

"Blair what happened?" Serena's voice was filled with concern, her eyes going from the little drops of blood in the sink to Blair's hand to her face.

"I dropped a glass and accidentally cut myself, it is fine really." She looked at the blonde before washing away the blood.

"Okay, what happened that made you so upset?" They started to walk back to the living room and sat down on the couch close together.

"I had a nightmare. Chuck stole my baby, he stole Rose from me." She held the tears back but her voice was shaking a little as she spoke. "It was awful, I mean what if he comes here and takes her? He is her dad, he will want visitation rights."

Serena threw her arm around Blair and rubbed her shoulder in smooth comforting circles.

"I thought Eleanor took care of all of that." She said quietly.

"She said she did, I mean she did. But what if he comes back anyway? He's Chuck Bass, rules or laws have never applied to him." Blair leaned against Serena a bit more.

"I can't answer that B." Her eyes were slowly filling with tears, tears of sadness for her best friend and the struggle she had to deal with every day. "But I will fight every day for the rest of my life to make sure that doesn't happen. So would Dan, your mom, Cyrus, Nate and Vanessa. You have to remember that we are all here for _you, _not Chuck, we will all fight for you. "

"Thank you S." Her voice was steadier now, she felt herself slowly relax. She had her friends and family, she wasn't alone and she needed to remember that.

"You want to go to bed? We can have an old fashion sleepover." Serena said, relieved that Blair had calmed down.

"Yeah, and tomorrow you're making me pancakes."

* * *

Blair sat in her couch watching Breakfast at Tiffany's drinking tea and eating a macaroon when she heard a knock on the door. She paused the movie and groaned as she got up from the couch much less gracefully than she would have liked. She was really getting tired of being pregnant.

She looked through the peephole and saw Dan standing on the other side.

"What are you doing here?" She smiled as she opened the door to let him in.

"I just wanted to check on you. You know say hi. I haven't seen you in a few days." He smiled awkwardly at her as he removed his jacket.

"Serena told you about the dream?" She could read him so well by now it was scary.

"Yeah she did." He sat down on the couch extending his legs in front of him "I'm just sad I didn't get to hear it from you. Why didn't you tell me Blair?" He looked hurt as he looked at her.

"I don't know, I knew you were out and Serena is my oldest friend. I can't burden you with every single thing Dan." She sat down across from him. "But you know," she smiled a little "it was just a dream, yes it was horrifying but it was just a dream." She put her hand on his jeans covered calf and squeezed lightly. That was the first time they'd touched since he came she realized.

"I want you to talk to me Blair, I'm going to be here no matter what." He said in a serious tone, his eyes matching the sound of his voice. "What happened to your hand?"

"I know, but I'm fine now. Like I said it was a nightmare. And this," she pointed to her hand "is nothing, I cut myself when I dropped a glass." She reached for the remote "Now, I'm watching Breakfast at Tiffany's, stay and be quiet or get out." She smiled playfully at him, knowing that he'd stay.

"Fine."

They watched the movie for about an hour in silence with and occasional mumble from either Blair or Dan as they watched their favorite parts.

"I don't like her." She said between sips of tea completely out of nowhere making Dan look at her in confusion.

"Who Rosemary? It's kind of who the movies centers around." He said amused.

"Sandra." Her eyes didn't leave the screen of the television.

"Okay, have you actually met her?" Dan turned to look at her from across the couch the amusement gone from his voice.

"I don't have too."

"Uhm actually, you kind of do." He said with raised eyebrows. She kept watching the movie and sipping her tea so Dan turned the television of making Blair sigh dramatically. "Why don't you like her?" There wasn't any anger in his voice, more like curiosity with a hint of irritation.

"You kissed me. You kissed me twice." She mumbled quietly her eyes fastened on the cup in her hands.

"Could you repeat that, I didn't hear you." He scooted a bit closer to her on the couch and he swore he saw her flinch.

"You kissed me twice, like it was no big deal." There was a vulnerability in her voice that Dan hadn't heard in a long time. She got up from the couch; she needed to put some space in between them.

"What?" Dan looked up at her in confusion before it dawned on him. "Oh, well that was just you know, holiday kisses. I didn't think it meant anything. I mean, it didn't right?"

"Oh I forgot, you just go around kissing all your exes right?" She huffed crossing her arms, the vulnerability gone and replaced with annoyance.

"No, but I thought, I mean, you didn't want me. You told me so on Thanksgiving; you said that whatever kind of moment we had shared, that it couldn't happen again."

"I didn't want to complicate our lives even more. I didn't think you'd screw the first woman that came along!"

"You were the one who said that you didn't want anything to happen between us, not me. You were the one who wanted us to just be friends. You were the one who left me or Chuck! You left me Blair, and now you expect me to pick up the pieces." His voice got louder as his anger grew, the words left his mouth without thinking and he regretted them the moment they were uttered.

Blair stared at him for a few seconds, not quite believing what she just heard.

"I can't believe you are throwing that back in my face." Her voice was low but there was no mistaking of the anger there. "I made a mistake going back to Chuck, I know that, you know that, hell all of the Upper East Side knows that, but you were the last person I expected to ever use it against me." She walked to her front door and opened it.

"Blair come on, that not what I…"

"I think you should leave now." She said just as quietly, her brown eyes burning with rage.

Dan stared at her in silence, not moving a muscle. He didn't want to leave her, he was tired of her running away from fights and never sorting anything out. She was always running.

"I'm not leaving Blair." He finally said as he crossed his arms across his chest. He must look like a stubborn child he thought.

Blair sighed heavily and quickly grabbed her coat.

"Then I'll leave." She didn't look back for even a second before the door closed after her and Dan found himself alone in Blair's apartment.


	14. Chapter 14

**Authors Note: So here it is! Thank you so much to all of you who takes the time to review, they inspire me so much!  
I'm not that happy with this chapter but I felt like I needed to speed things up a bit. I tried to get some drama and some humor in there but I'm not sure I succeeded. Anyway, hope you guys like it! I'm not sure when I'll update this, probably not as fast as this chapter because I want to update my other story first, but I promise to update ASAP.**

**Also, when I'm done with this fic I will probably write Dair fics based on songs, so if you have any requests or songs in mind, PM me! **

**Enjoy! And review!**

* * *

It was early when Blair made it home to her apartment. She was tired from the lack of sleep due to the very uncomfortable bed in the guest room at Nate and Vanessa's. The coat she grabbed in her rage the previous night was not suited for the cold weather and she was freezing, her hands felt numb from the cold. She needed to shower and change before heading off to work. Opening the door she made her way toward her bedroom and was surprised to see that Dan was sleeping on the couch in the living room. Slamming the door to the spare bedroom beside her shut with much more force than necessary Dan jumped up from the couch, startled by the loud noise.

"Morning." He grunted as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" She removed her shoes and coat and tried to ignore how sexy he sounded in the morning, his voice deep and horse from sleep.

"I told you last night I wasn't leaving." He said as he approached her.

"I'm still mad at you." She backed away as he came closer.

"You know I didn't mean what I said Blair. It came out the wrong way and you wouldn't let me explain. You just keep running away." He was still coming toward her and soon she was backed up between the wall and a bookcase.

"Would you please move?" Her voice was cool and collected but she felt like a caged animal, trapped with nowhere to go. Dan was standing close, too close; there were only a couple of inches between her stomach and his.

"What? Can't run anymore?" He raised a mocking eyebrow which infuriated her even more.

"Why are you being such an ass? What the hell did I do to piss you off?" She tried to squeeze past him put he stood his ground. Slowly he raised his hand to her silk clad shoulder and rubbed in small circles before his hand slowly traveled down her bare arm and took a lose hold of her hand. Blair wanted to shiver as his warm hand made contact with her cold skin but she resisted.

"I'm not being and ass." He said softly "At least I don't mean to be, but please Blair, stop running away, just please stop." His hold on her hand became firmer.

"I'm not running Dan, I've dealt with every single problem since I came back. I went to therapy, apologized to everyone I had treated badly, I left Chuck. What more do you want from me?" She withdrew her hand and pushed him away with enough force to get him to back away and she could walk across the living room.

"I'm not talking about that. You know how incredibly proud I am about how far you've come. But I want you to realize that you can't walk out every time you have a disagreement or fight with someone." He was walking after her "Like you are right now!" He raised his voice, both angry and annoyed by her childish tactics.

"I need to get ready for work Humphrey." She felt him walking closer to her, catching up with long quick footsteps. He touched her wrist in an effort to get her to stop and she yanked it away like he had burned her.

"Why won't you let me touch you?!" He was yelling now and it caused Blair to stop dead in her tracks. She didn't think he had noticed how she had kept her distance. She turned to look at him and it felt like someone had stabbed her when she met his eyes, they were full of pain and disappointment.

"I've been here for you every day for since you came back. I've been nothing but a great friend, held you when you cried, having you lean on me when you were scared and now I can't even hold your hand? What the hell's the matter with you? You can't expect me to be there for you every single time for months and then push me away. It doesn't work like that."

Blair didn't  
know what to say. She didn't think she had ever seen him this upset except when he found out about Chuck and it scared her a little.

"I, hormones…" She started, it wasn't a complete lie, the hormones had made her feel hotter than usual.

"Really Blair? You're giving me that bullshit? Stop lying, just tell me." He was still angry but he didn't yell anymore which she was thankful for.

Blair debated with herself if she should tell him or not. She didn't want to complicate things further between them, but she was tired of pretending around him. It was exhausting and felt wrong. She didn't lie to Dan. He was the one person she could tell anything and she knew he'd still be there.

"You kissed me." She finally said. "You kissed me and expected everything to be okay. It's not okay, not anymore." She met his eyes boldly, but she didn't hide the sadness in them. "We're passed just friends Dan. At least I am."

Dan's expression went from angry, to confused, to understanding in a matter of seconds. It was as it all clicked as he looked in to her eyes. Unlike the night before he understood what she had meant when she brought up the kisses.

"Blair…" He started but she interrupted him.

"I need to get to work, so please Dan leave. And we'll talk later okay?" Her eyes had teared slightly, making her eyes glassy.

"I didn't know Blair." He said quietly.

"I know." She smiled a little even as a single tear rolled down her cheek and she quickly wiped it away. "I'll call you later okay?"

She watched as he turned and picked up his bag beside the couch before walked out of her apartment, not quite believing what just transpired between them. After a minute of just staring in the direction Dan had left she was pulled out of her daze by the sound of her phone. She looked on the screen and saw her assistant's name flashing across the phone.

"Lauren, hi." She said tiredly.

"Hi Ms Waldorf, I'm in the car downstairs." Her assistant's chipper voice on the other end made Blair cringe.

"I'll be down soon, I got a bit sidetracked this morning." She said and ended the call, not bothering to hear Lauren's response.

* * *

Dan was walking the streets aimlessly, not sure where to go or what to do. Blair's words still echoing in his head. '_I don't like Sandra' 'Oh I forgot, you just go around kissing all your exes right?' _'_You kissed me and expected everything to be okay'_ '_We're passed just friends.'_

He had been falling for her again, he had been even if he wouldn't admit it. But during Thanksgiving she told him that nothing could happen so he forced himself out of it. He took those feelings and stored them in a little iron box deep in the back of his mind and focused on their friendship, on the baby that would be joining them in the crazy world called the Upper East Side and then he met Sandra. Sandra who was perfect for him. Smart, beautiful and drama-free.

"Dan!" Nate had appeared out of nowhere and suddenly stood in front of him.

"Hey Nate." He took in his best friends appearance. "On your way to work?"

"Yeah, I have a couple of meetings that I'm already late for." He said a bit rushed. "So, are you going to explain why a very upset Blair Waldorf stormed in to our apartment last night?"

Dan rubbed his neck sighing heavily, not in the mood to tell Nate everything that had happened when he was in a hurry "We just, you know had a fight."

"Yeah," Nate chuckled "that I understood by myself thank you." When Dan still didn't explain further he raised his hands in defeat. "You know what, Vanessa will tell me tonight, she's having lunch with Blair today. And that way I get Blair Waldorf's side of the story."

"Alright fine, let's meet at Bemelmans at 5?" Dan surrendered.

"Okay man, see you later." Nate rushed off and quickly jumped in to a cab.

Dan decided that it was too cold to walk around so he quickly walked in to his favorite café on the Upper East Side, Café Bacio. The coffee was always extra strong and he had gotten to know the owner over the years. Ordering a scone and black coffee Dan took a seat by a small table. He warmed his hands up for a bit before reaching in to his bag and got his trusted lap top out. Thinking he might as well get all his thoughts and feelings out on paper he started typing frantically and didn't stop until he was drained and his eyes itched.

* * *

Blair's morning was hectic. Not only had she been late but there had been mix-ups at the morning meeting and deliveries were late. She wanted to get as much as possible done before going on maternity leave; thankfully Eleanor had agreed to look over things once in a while when Blair was away. When Blair finally arrived to the restaurant, Vanessa was already there sipping on ice tea and going through photographs.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. Things are crazy at work; I don't know how that company will survive without me. And I'm too tired to yell at them." Blair sat down across from Vanessa "What's this?" She asked looking at the polaroids laying on the table.

"No worries." Vanessa smiled as she gathered up the pictures "These are photographs of my possible new assistant."

"Why did you take a picture of them?" Blair picked the last one up "He's hot, chose him!" She grinned as she held the photo up to show Vanessa. "Hey!" She objected when Vanessa snatched the picture away from her.

"Because I need to remember who's who." When Blair just looked at her with a raised eyebrow and a smirk on her face, Vanessa continued "And Nate wants to make sure that he has nothing to feel threatened about." She sighed.

"Is he really that jealous?" Blair didn't remember Nate being at all jealous or possessive when they were dating, except when it came to Chuck.

The waitress came over with their menus and Blair started to look through it.

"It's just some little things he worries about, but mostly it is a kind of foreplay." Vanessa grinned at her over her menu.

Blair looked at her for a few seconds before closing the menu slowly.

"I'm not even going to ask." She finally said and Vanessa laughed.

The waitress came over and took their orders, Blair ordered salmon and Vanessa a salad.

"So, care to tell me what happened? Have you talked to Dan?" Vanessa asked before sipping her ice tea. Blair had told her briefly the night before in her rage rant but not nearly enough to make Vanessa understand.

Blair stayed quiet for a while, seemingly very interested in the table cloth.

"Blair? Are you alright?"

"You were right." She said after another silence. She said it so quietly that Vanessa barely heard her.

"Right about what?" Vanessa leaned forward on the table, concerned about the way Blair was acting.

"I think I have feelings for Dan." She said just as quietly as before.

Neither spoke, Vanessa out of shock, Blair because she didn't know what to say. It was the first time she heard herself say those words out loud.

The waitress came over with their food and they both thanked her with a smile.

"Can you say something?" Blair asked as she started to cut little pieces of the fish.

"I… I guess I didn't expect you to admit it." Vanessa said, "I mean, we all knew it was coming, especially after the holidays but we just assumed you would be stubborn like you always are."

"Gee, thanks." Blair said sarcastically "Wait, who's we?"

"Oh you know, me Nate, Serena and Carter, Eric, I think even Jenny said something." Vanessa popped a tomato piece in her mouth.

"So what, you're all talking about me and Dan behind our backs?" Blair put down her utensils and glared at the other woman.

"Blair, not even a complete idiot wouldn't notice your feelings toward Dan, well except for Dan." Vanessa stared at Blair "It's not really subtle."

"Great." Blair muttered.

"Don't be mad Blair, it's not like I haven't said anything about this to you for months. Now please tell me what happened." The kind smile on Vanessa's face made Blair soften a little.

She told Vanessa what happened the night before and how Dan was still there when she got home that morning. Blair told her that Dan had yelled and confronted her and how she made somehow admitted how she had feelings for him. When she was done Vanessa who had been listening intently to every word took another piece of tomato and chewed it slowly.

"Wow." She said.

"Wow? That's all you got to say? Wow?" Blair replied haughtily.

"I don't know what to say. Even though I've been a part of this world for a while now I'm still amazed how there can be so much drama and complications in your lives." Vanessa rubbed her temples slowly.

"That was helpful, thanks a lot." Her voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"You need to talk to Dan though, I mean what about Sandra? What about your child? What about your friendship?"

"I don't know, alright. I don't know. I think it would have been better if I just kept my mouth shut. I've ruined everything." Blair's shoulder slumped in her seat, if it wasn't for her huge stomach Vanessa thought she looked likes a miserable child.

"You haven't ruined anything Blair, but you might if you don't talk to Dan."

The two women looked at each other in silence, for an outsider it might look like they had nothing to talk about but that couldn't be farther from the truth. Blair contemplated what Vanessa told her, while she gave Blair her support as they ate in silence.

"I need to talk to Dan." Blair finally stated before eating the last piece of her food.

"Yeah."

* * *

Dan was already on his third overpriced beer by the time Nate walked in a quarter past 5; Dan had been there half an hour earlier. Ordering a beer Nate looked at the two empty pitchers on the table.

"Drinking away your sorrows?" He asked as he joined Dan.

"Yes." Came a grunting response. Neither men spoke for a while, just looked around the room. There were as always tourists that had read about the bar in their guides, residents at the hotel and socialites sipping martinis.

"I kissed her and messed everything up." Dan said as he observed a couple sitting in a corner talking quietly to each other. Dan guessed that this was their third date and it was going well considering that the man just put his hand on her knee and she smiled warmly at him. Dan hated them.

"Who, Sandra?"

"Blair, obviously." Dan glared at his friend in annoyance.

"When did you kiss Blair?" Nate who had been sitting half turned away from him spun around on his seat to stare at Dan with wide eyes.

"Oh I thought Vanessa told you?" Dan chuckled slightly when Nate's eyes seemed to get even bigger.

"You told Vanessa?" He crossed his arms "I can't believe you told Vanessa and not me."

"Relax drama queen, I didn't tell her. I just assumed Blair had, you know women talk about everything." Dan took two big gulps of his beer.

"Well, Vanessa didn't say anything either way. So when did you kiss her? Last night? Why did you kiss her? Is that why she was so mad?"

"I didn't know you were such a gossip Archibald." Dan smirked and Nate glared back. "No I didn't kiss her last night. I kissed her under a mistletoe on Christmas Eve, and again to ring in the new year." He drank the last of his beer and quickly ordered another one.

"So you kissed twice in the last three weeks and you're telling me about this now?" The disbelief in Nate's voice was apparent.

"I didn't think it was a big deal. Just you know, the holidays." Dan shrugged his shoulders before meeting Nate's aggravated stare. "I sound like a dick don't I?"

"Yeah." Nate smacked the back of his head.

"Ouch!" Dan rubbed the spot and moved further away from Nate.

"You can't just kiss Blair Waldorf. It will always mean something, especially to Blair Waldorf. And _you _of all people can not kiss Blair Waldorf! And dude, she's pregnant now! Do not kiss a pregnant Blair Waldorf!" He tried to hit Dan again but he dodged and Nate hit his hand on the wall behind them instead.

"Can you stop using her full name? I know she's Blair Waldorf. And stop trying to hit me!"

"No can do my friend, she's Blair Waldorf. And you deserved a smack." Nate seemed to calm down and took a sip of his drink. The smug grin on his face didn't go unnoticed by Dan.

"I thought she didn't feel anything for me, she told me that nothing could happen." He tried to justify his actions.

"Even so, you and Blair aren't just ordinary friends and she's your ex, your pregnant best friend who also happens to be your ex. You need to talk to her man."

"I know I do." Dan sighed, the beers he had were starting to kick in and he was feeling a bit light headed. "When did you become insightful by the way?" He scratched the back of his head as he observed the blonde.

"I'm not just another pretty face you know." He winked at Dan who didn't say anything for a few seconds, thinking about what Nate just said.

"Actually, you are." He wasn't fast enough to move away from the punch on his arm that time.


	15. Chapter 15

**Authors Note: Okay so I don't think I've ever worked so hard on anything I've ever written and I'm still not happy with this. I'm not good at romance guys, I hate cheesy stuff and I don't want to write it that way and this is sort of what happened. I probably rewrote this five times and by now I want to throw up all over it because I'm sick of it lol.**

**Anyways, I hope you enjoy this! Read and review!**

* * *

Dan was sitting in a cab with Nate on their way to Carter and Serena for some guy time and he was happy that he had something to occupy his mind. He hadn't spoken to Blair in three days and it was killing him that he didn't know what was going on yet he was to afraid to call or text her. Stop being a wuss both Vanessa and Nate had told him and Dan hated that they were right. He had picked his phone up multiply times but chickened out every time he saw Blair's name on the screen, some part also wanted her to reach out to him. She was the one who had started this, she should call him. There you go with the childishness again, his mind was screaming at him.

Suddenly the cab stopped and Nate reached over him to open the door on his side.

"Get out." Nate said.

"What?" Dan looked at Nate and then out the door to see Blair's apartment building. "You tricked me, really?" The disbelief in his voice did not go unnoticed by Nate.

"It's been three days. Be a man and deal with this because frankly, I like my sleep and I'm not getting a lot of that between your phone calls and Blair's impromptu late night visits."

"You know the word impromptu? I'm impressed." Dan said after a few seconds of silence, earning a glare from Nate.

"Get out." Nate practically pushed him out with more force than necessary while still glaring at him. "Talk to her." The door slammed in front of Dan and drove off.

He turned and looked up at the building feeling nervous. He let out an exaggerated breath and clapt his hands together. _Here we go._

* * *

"You have feelings for me." It wasn't a question but a statement causing Blair to shift uncomfortable on her seat in the couch. He had showed up only minutes earlier and it had been tense to say at least.

"I don't think I ever stopped having feelings for you." She revealed quietly, deciding to be completely honest with him, otherwise there was no point to have this conversation. "Back then my love for Chuck was stronger, I was in love with him but that doesn't mean that my feelings towards you magically disappeared. I repressed them for a long time and being in love with Chuck made that easier but still... When I was away in Paris I…" She stopped trying to find the right words. "I missed you every day." She finally said as she looked him straight in the eye.

"Blair," He sighed while rubbing his face "it's not that easy. You say that you miss me and I feel like I can't breathe. You say that you have feelings for me and my heart skips a beat. As of right now, we are nothing more than friends but I already feel like I'm drowning in a bottomless ocean while you are floating happily on the surface. Just like last time, just like six years ago." He took her hand and for the first time in what felt like years she didn't pull away or flinch at the contact, instead she gripped his hand with force, like she was afraid that he'd let go. "Getting over you was probably the hardest thing I ever had to do. I can't do it again, I will break." Dan didn't realize how much it still hurt to think about that time in his life. He wasn't expecting the tears that tried to fall from his eyes but he willed them away.

Silent tears had slowly made their way down Blair's cheeks. She had never fully understood what she did to him, she had been too busy thinking about herself. Herself and Chuck and their epic love, she had been so naive. But as she listened to Dan speak, looked at his slightly shaking hands and glassy eyes, she realized how hurt he had been. How much pain _she_ had caused him. Blair wiped away the tears with her fingers and took a couple of calming breaths as she tried to compose herself.

"So you're saying that this is insane right? You and me?" She tried to smile a little to lighten the heavy mood but it didn't reach her eyes.

"No." Dan wiped away a tear that still was on her cheek. "I'm saying that I can't do this, be with you, if you aren't sure. I need you to be one hundred percent certain that this is what you want and not that I'm here until someone else comes along." Dan searched her eyes for any indication of what she was thinking. When she didn't say anything but a few more tears fell from her eyes he let out a shaky breath. "Are you sure?" He finally asked, afraid of her answer.

"No." She answered quietly. "I'm not." She shifted on the couch so they sat side by side, their shoulders barely touching. Dan put his arm around her and brought her closer.

"I didn't think so." He sighed heavily before kissing the side of her head, breathing in the scent of her flowery shampoo. "But it's alright, we are still, and always will be, best friends. That's not too bad is it?" He squeezed her shoulder reassuringly "And we have Rose, less than a month and this wonderfully quiet apartment will be filled with baby screams." Dan smiled at her and she couldn't figure out if it was a happy or sad one.

"I'm sorry." She leaned her head on his shoulder.

"For what? Being honest?" He resisted burring his nose in her soft brown curls.

"Well, yes. What if things will be weird between us now?"

"It wont." He didn't sound convinced.

"How do you know?" She looked up at him, their faces were closer than they expected and they stared at each other.

"I won't let it." He swallowed hard, a clear indication of her affect on him and his eyes slowly drifted to her lips.

"Alright." She answered breathlessly as she continued to stare up at him. His eyes were hooded and he was barely breathing. Blair decided that this was the moment, he wanted her. To hell with just being friends. She cupped his cheek with one hand and slowly pushed herself up. There was only a couple of inches between their lips when Dan suddenly stood up.

"Okay." He forced them both out of their daze by his sudden movements. "I should go. Probably, yeah, I'll go." He mumbled more to himself as he fumbled with his jacket.

"Yeah. Yes." Blair ran a hand through her hair, not quite sure what to do or say due to the awkwardness and the slight humiliation she felt for being rejected.

"So uhm, bye." He leaned down to kiss her on the cheek but stopped himself mid-lean and they ended up in an clumsy hug.

After Dan rushed out like he was on fire Blair groaned loudly out of frustration and hit the pillow laying next to her. She hit it a couple of more times for good measure before she saw Serena and Vanessa standing in the doorway looking both amused and confused.

"Does this little outburst anything to do with why Dan was hurrying out of here?" Serena crossed her arms and looked at the brunette on the couch.

"I'm so regretting giving you a key." Blair muttered.

"Whatever he did, the pillow doesn't deserve the punishment." Vanessa said before raising her hands, showing Blair two grocery bags. "Look, we brought food." She said happily. "We figured that there wont be many more evenings just us so a girls night is definitely in order."

Serena went to drag Blair off the couch and they walked together to the kitchen where Blair and the blonde sat down as Vanessa started to unpack the bags.

"You're not helping at all, seriously?" She turned to them, arms crossed as she leaned against the counter.

"I'm pregnant and my feet hurt." Blair said which was true but more than anything she just didn't want to help.

"The last time I cooked I burned Carter's eyebrow off, you really want to risk it?" Serena smirked.

"Serena, at least pour me a glass of wine." She said as she turned back to the bags. Serena did as she was told and poured them both a glass of white wine and she handed Blair a bottle of water.

"Mm, yummy!" Blair said sarcastically.

"You're both full of shit." Vanessa said as she started to chop vegetables.

* * *

"So you talked about it but decided to stay friends?" Serena asked from her spot on the couch beside Vanessa, both had a glass of wine in front of them.

"Yeah, I mean it's for the best right?" Blair said before taking a bite of a chocolate bar. The women on the couch looked at each other quickly before meeting Blair's eyes hesitantly. "Right?" Blair asked, her voice a few octaves higher than she would have liked.

"Do you love him?" Vanessa as always got straight to the point.

"Of course I love him, how could I not after everything he's done for me?" She played with her hands before feeling Rose kick hard making her groan quietly. She put her hands and rubbed slightly where the baby had kicked, something that always seemed to get her to stop.

"Alright let's rephrase that, are you in love with him?" Serena said causing a silence in the room. Blair stared at her in a loss of words as she searched for the right ones while continuing to rub small circles on her stomach..

"I... I don't know." She avoided the two pairs of blue eyes that stared at her "No, I'm not in love with him." It sounded forced even to her, the truth was that once she actually admitted her feelings toward Dan it felt like they had multiplied in a matter of days and it was freaking her out.

"B, I've known you for what? Twenty three years? I know you so don't try to lie, why would you?" Serena leaned forward, studying Blair.

"Maybe she hasn't realized it yet?" Vanessa piped up. "I mean in took her months to admit to having feelings for Dan and it's only been a few days. Give her a month and she'll come rushing in and yelling at us for not telling her."

Serena turned to Vanessa as she took a few sips of her wine and sat Indian style on the sofa.

"You're right, she's the most stubborn person in the world, so she probably doesn't even know."

"How can somebody not know that they're in love though?" Vanessa mimicked Serena on the couch so the women were facing each other.

"It's Dan and Blair, they are weird."

Blair looked from Vanessa to Serena in utter disbelief, when did she become the person you discussed while she was in the same room. And analyzing her and Dan's relationship did not make her feel better about their decision to stay friends.

"Uhm hello!?" Serena and Vanessa turned to her after her little outburst. "I'm still here you know." She glared at them.

"Sorry." They said simultaneity causing Blair to crack up even in her annoyance, the two girls had obviously spent too much time together.

"So what did Dan say when you talked? What exactly did he say?" Vanessa turned on the couch again and put her glass on the table.

"He said that if I wasn't sure then he couldn't risk getting involved with me because I broke him." Even as she said the words she cringed, recalling how devastated he had looked only a few hours earlier.

"That's so sad, and so romantic." The wine was starting to go to Serena's head.

"So you're not sure?"

"I don't know. I mean how do you know that? I grew up thinking that Nate was the one, then I though that Chuck and I would last forever. I was sure that I was done, that I had my one and true love and neither times it worked out. How can I be sure?" She looked at them almost pleadingly but found that they had no answers. The room was silent for a long time, much longer than Blair would have liked. She wanted answers but it seemed like her question was the only one that neither girls had an answer to.

"I guess," Serena finally said, her eyes slightly glazed "You just know, you know?" She stood up and advanced toward Blair. She put her hand over Blair's on top of her stomach. "I get that you're afraid to get hurt again, especially after everything you've been through with Chuck. Anybody would, but Blair you love Dan, you're in love with him and I think that you do know that. You're just to stubborn to admit it." Serena squeezed her hand before retrieving her coat and bag. "What you chose to do with that, is up to you, I just want you to be happy Blair." She kissed Blair on the forehead and then stomach before turning to Vanessa. "You coming?"

"Yeah, give me a sec." Vanessa smiled knowingly at Blair "I'm not sure if she gets smart or bossy when she drinks." She said as she stood up.

Blair didn't answer just stared wide eyes ahead, clearly in a daze and she didn't snap out of it until Vanessa was standing right in front of her.

"Are you alright?" She asked, not sure if she was concerned or amused by the daft expression on Blair's face.

"Holy crap, I'm in love with Dan Humphrey."

* * *

The intensive knocking on the loft woke Dan up in a slight panic. Thinking that if he ignored it, it would go away but when it didn't he reluctantly gave up and got out of his very warm, very comfortable bed. He quickly pulled on a shirt as he hurried across the space of the loft and opened the door forcefully.

On the other side was Blair, she was biting her lower lip and looked exhausted. It reminded him of when Blair had showed up after being fired from W wearing different shoes.

"Blair, what are you doing here? Are you alright?" She pushed past him and in to the livingroom.

"I'm not sure." She said with her back turned to him. "I can't say that I'm sure because I will probably never be sure about anything ever again."

Dan walked to her slowly and but his hand on her shoulder before turning her to face him.

"I'm not sure but I know that I want to be with you, I can't picture another day without you because I don't ever want to be apart from you again." She saw that Dan was about to say something but in that moment she didn't care, she reached up on her toes and kissed him. His lips met hers in a kiss that made her knees weak. To her surprise he didn't pull away, instead one of his hands fell to her lower back and one played with her hair.

"You have a way with words Waldorf." He mumbled against her lips and she could feel him smiling.

"Say yes. Say yes to this, to us." Her breathing was labored and her feet were hurting but she didn't dare to pull away. Her eyes were closed and all she could hear was the sound of her thumping heart.

"We are taking this slow. Really slow." He whispered their foreheads pressed against each other. Blair nodded.

"And if this doesn't work out, we will try our hardest to remain friends. We have to for Rose." His hand touched her stomach and he smiled when he felt her kick. Blair nodded again.

"And just so you know, I was going to come over and kiss you tomorrow."

Blair opened her eyes at that and stared up in to his warm brown orbs, his smile matched hers.

"Stop beating me to the punch." He joked and she let out a small laugh.

"Kiss me." She kept on smiling until his lips landed on hers again.

_I love you_. She wanted to say the words so bad but decided that for now, being in his arms, feeling his lips against hers, this was enough.


	16. Chapter 16

**Authors note: I am so sorry about updating so irregularly. I'm incredibly busy witch school and work. Please read and review so I know if anybody's actually still reading this. I did enjoy writing this chapter and I hope you enjoy reading it.**

* * *

Blair Waldorf had been officiality dating Dan Humphrey for two weeks when she felt her first contraction one cold February morning. Luckily Dan had spent the night in her apartment and she had woken him up with a sharp push.

"I think the baby is coming." She said calmly which caused Dan to chuckle and closing his eyes again. "I'm not joking Dan." She pushed him harder, almost making him fall of the bed. Feeling another contraction she put her hand on her stomach and closed her eyes as she tried to breath through the uncomfortable feeling and knowing that this was only the beginning made her cringe. Her agonized facial expression caused Dan to rush out of bed.

"Oh my God you're in labor!" He ran to the closet where the bag they were bringing to the hospital stood, already packed. "You're having the baby!" He ran back and forth between different rooms, gathering things he thought could be necessary and then back to Blair who was still sitting on the bed, still looking quite at ease. "Why am I the one freaking out Waldorf?"

"We have time." She tried to get up but failed and Dan quickly helped her to stand. "I mean, my water hasn't broke, the contractions are pretty far apart and aren't that painful."

"When did you become a doctor?" Dan muttered. For months he had pictured Blair freaking out and screaming and bitching like they always did in the movies, but she seemed more controlled than ever before. He didn't know if he should be worried or proud of her. Still, he grabbed the bag and then put his hand on the small of her back to usher her forward.

They got in to a cab and to the hospital fast due to the little traffic and it calmed Dan a bit. Phone calls and texts to their parents and friends were made as Blair got checked in. Vanessa and Nate were the first ones to arrive, then Jenny and Rufus followed closely by Eric and Lily. Eleanor and Cyrus came a little while later, Dan assumed it was because of Eleanor, she was already crying and they had barely gotten started. They all gathered to wish Blair luck and Dan never left her side.

Serena and Carter were the last ones rushing in, out of breath and Serena still in her pajamas.

"I didn't hear the phone. Carter woke me up. I'm sorry." She said in between breaths as she grabbed Blair's hand.

"It's fine Serena, calm down. It will be a while." The contractions were getting more painful but Blair still felt complete serenity which was weird considering all that was happening around her. Eleanor even asked if she had taken something causing Blair to roll her eyes. "Hey Dan, could you give us a minute?"

Dan nodded and kissed her forehead before leaving the room.

"How are you feeling?" Serena sat down on the spare chair in the room.

"A bit uncomfortable, a little scared but mostly just excited. I don't know about Dan though, he's been freaking out ever since I woke him up." Blair smiled as she looked down on her stomach and rubbed circles slowly. "I was wondering..." She trailed of and looked between Serena and her stomach. "Well, two things actually."

"What is it B?

"I know it's late and everything, but would you stay with me during the delivery? Dan will be here but I think I need you here too." Blair had barely finished the sentence before Serena was hugging her and nodding in to her shoulder.

"Of course I will." She smiled. "What was the other thing?"

Blair smiled at her best friend, the girl she had known since the age of five and even though they had had a lot of bad moments, fighting and lying, there was still no other person Blair had shared and relied on as much as Serena.

"I want you to be Rose's godmother." Another hug which practically knocked the wind out of her came as Serena all but leaped on her. "Okay Serena, I'm going to have a baby, I need you not to jump on my stomach."

"Oh, sorry." Serena wiped away a tear. "Who's going to be her godfather?"

"Nate, I already asked him." The smile on her face quickly turned in to a frown as she felt another contraction and Serena took her hand. When it was over Blair leaned down in the bed and Serena smiled at her.

"Wow B, we're adults."

"Yeah I know. I just didn't want to tell you." She smiled lazily suddenly feeling tired.

"It's going to be great."

* * *

A few hours later Blair was screaming and sweating but still refusing epidural, even though everybody thought she should. She wanted a natural birth and damn it she would have it. She knew that the pain she had to endure now was going to be worth every minute. Dan was still running around until finally Serena slapped him to get him to calm down, the moment was caught on tape by Nate and would years from then still be a laughing matter.

It took Blair thirteen agonizing hours but finally she was pushing and screaming with Dan on one side and Serena on the other. Dan was holding her hand while trying to film everything and Blair wanted to kill him. She did not want to see what she looked like, she would remember everything vividly.

Rose Aubrey Waldorf was born at 6 PM and Dan had never in his life felt anything like it when he saw her for the first time. She was covered with disgusting gue and was crying but it didn't matter, she was the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. On the bed Blair had collapsed in exhaustion but there was still a smile on her face. He kissed her forehead and then her lips softly and smiled at her.

"You did it." He in her ear and removed the few strands of hair that were stuck to her forehead.

Serena was crying next to them looking at the baby that was being cleaned before being wrapped in a blanket. A nurse gave Blair the baby and the look on her face was priceless. She looked so lost and at the same time so at home as she stared down at a crying Rose.

"She's here." She started to swing the baby slowly which caused her to stop crying.

"She has your eyes." Serena said and Dan nodded. Tears were running down his cheeks but he didn't even bother to remove them. They were tears of happiness, why would he try to hide that?

All to soon a nurse came to take Rose to do all the necessary check ups and Blair got cleaned up and taken to her room. It didn't take long before she was fast asleep with Dan lying next to her on the hospital bed. Jenny who had come in to check on them took a picture of the couple smiling to herself before leaving to tell everybody who was waiting to see Blair and Rose that they needed to wait some more.

* * *

The first few weeks with Rose was all about adjustments. Sleeping and eating when they could while learning each other's routine. Living together was completely different from spending a night here and there, something neither Dan or Blair had taken in to account. But it was the good kind of different, like when Blair woke up there was already coffee on the table or Dan walking out of the shower to see Blair rocking Rose back and forth while humming softly. They were living in bliss.

"I was thinking," Blair was breast feeding Rose as Dan was reading the New York Times and drinking coffee. He looked up at her expectantly. "that we should get Rose baptized." Dan nearly chocked on his coffee.

"Excuse me?" He raised his eyebrows "You're not religious."

"No I know. But I'm baptized, so are my parents and you and Jenny. I think it would be nice." She burped Rose and managed to frown and smile at the same time when a little spit up ran down the towel on her shoulder. "Here, take her for a sec." She got up to get another towel and Dan took the baby and held her up, her big eyes looking right at him.

"You shouldn't spit up on your mother you know." He said in a silly voice. "One day I'll get the blame." He put her down in the basinet next to the table. It amazed him how something so little had changed everyone around him so much. Jenny was coming by every other day, Serena, Nate and Vanessa were calling or demanding pictures and their parents couldn't talk about anything else but Rose. She was the silver lining on the very dark cloud Blair had been living under.

"So, what do you think? Is it stupid?" Blair stood in the doorway with her arms crossed looking so soft, it was a side Blair rarely showed.

"No, if that's what you want, of course we'll get her baptized." He smiled at her.

"Will you stand up there with me?" She looked at the basinet and then at Dan smiling shyly at him.

"Do you really have to ask?" He didn't think he could be happier than he'd been these last few months and having Blair share everything with him just made his heart swell even more for her. "I have a meeting with my publisher though, I'll be back in a few hours." Dan got up from the table and kissed her softly. He felt her sigh in to the kiss and put her hand on his shoulder while he circled her waist. The kiss deepened when she slid her tongue over his lower lip and then sought out his.

"Hmm, you really shouldn't do that. Especially since we have to wait another month." He sighed and leaned his forehead against hers.

"It feels like we're waiting forever." She played with his shirt buttons. "But you're right, I'm no where near ready to have sex." She walked a couple of steps back. "Good luck on your meeting Humphrey." She went to pick up Rose. "Looks like someone needs a diaper change."

She walked with Dan to the door to see him off but when they got there he stopped to look at her.

"What's the matter?" She asked seeing his worried expression.

"I... I don't want to leave you two." He said pouting slightly making Blair chuckle.

"It's just a few hours, then you'll get to spend the whole day and night with us." She lifted Rose so they were both facing Dan and smiled. "Now go, Jenny and Vanessa will be here soon." She gave him a light push and he sighed heavily before kissing first Rose's head and then Blair's cheek.

"See you later." He whispered.

"Soon." She smiled back.

* * *

They had the christening two weeks later and everybody close to them were there. It was a small but beautiful ceremony with Nate and Serena standing next to Blair and Dan. Serena was holding a sleeping Rose in her arms as the priest poured some water on her head. Dan glanced at Blair and saw her smiling and he knew that she was happy. Probably more happy than he'd ever seen her and it made his heart feel warm.

"I need to talk to you." Serena whispered to him after the ceremony and cake. She was biting her lip nervously and Dan immediately started to worry. They left the livingroom where Vanessa, Nate, Blair and Carter were sitting.

"What's the matter?" He asked when they reached the kitchen. Serena seemed to be struggling to find the right words and Dan rubbed his forehead. "Serena, just tell me."

"My mom and I are going to Australia." She started slowly. "And I found out that she has been in contact with Jack Bass and Chuck during these months. Now she's going there on some sort of business and she's forcing me to come with."

"What do you mean she's been in contact with Jack and Chuck?" Dan already knew where this conversation was going and it made is stomach turn in to ice.

"Well, for Bass Industries purposes but also to hear what's going on with Chuck. She told him that Blair had the baby." Serena started to pace around the kitchen island while Dan stood shell shocked.

"Chuck he, he wants to see her." She continued. "Mom said that he's been going to rehab and AA meetings. He's in therapy. Mom said that he's changed."

"Oh come on Serena that's a load of bullshit. How many times have he said those words? How many times has he tried and still went back to being the same old Chuck?" Dan's outburst caused Serena to stop and took his hand.

"I'm not saying I believe her Dan. I want nothing to do with Chuck ever again but I'm going and I'll probably see him there."

"Serena, you're a big girl. If you don't want to go you don't have to."

Serena looked down at the floor and then up at him.

"You know how she can be. I have to go." She said quietly. "But I don't know if I should tell Blair."

"What? Serena of course you have to tell Blair." He pinched the bridge of his nose tiredly. When was the drama, secrets and lies going to end, he wondered. "When are you leaving?"

"Friday."

"That's in two days." His voice raised a little in disbelief. "How long have you known that you were going?"

"She told me last night, I promise." Serena's hands were shaking slightly out of nervousness.

"All right, calm down." Dan rubbed her hand with his thumb. "Blair wont be mad at you, if anything she'll be mad at Lily for not telling her." His words didn't seem to calm her so he took her in his arms and hugged her tightly. "She knows that you are on her side, not his." He whispered in her hair.

Blair walked in to the kitchen seeing their embrace and raised her eyebrows.

"What's going on? Why are you guys hiding in here?" Her eyes immediately fell on Serena's sullen expression. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I'm fine, but I need to talk to you."

* * *

"I can't believe Lily has been talking to Chuck!" Blair was removing the comforter on her bed with more force than necessary. She was furious at Lily for not telling her.

"Blair, remember that she thinks of Chuck like a son." Dan tried to reason even though he was angry as well. Blair stopped to glare at him with her arms crossed over her chest.

"Are you seriously defending her right now?"

"No but..."

"I just wish she would have told me. I would have understood." She sighed as she climbed in to bed. Dan slid down next to her and she snuggled in to him.

"Blair, you wouldn't have. Because none of us understand. Not even my dad knew." He stroked her shoulder in a attempt to calm her.

"Do you really think he's changed?" Blair said after a few minutes. She felt Dan tense up beside her, his thump stopped moving against her skin.

"Blair..." He said lowly as his eyes closed tightly.

"He is still Rose's father." She whispered looking down at her hands.

"And he is still he guy who called you names and hit you." He tried to keep calm but he already saw where this was headed. He thought she would have gotten further than this, just a few words about Chuck being sober and she was ready to forgive him.

"Don't you think I know that Dan? Don't you think that I'm reminded of that every day of my life?" She huffed as she angrily got out of bed.

"Blair it sounds like you're ready to forgive him..."

"I will _never_ forgive him Dan!" She interrupted him, her eyes glassy as she looked at him. "He destroyed me and I will never forgive him for that but I'm scared. I'm scared what will happen in the future, when Rose asks about her dad and what to tell her."

Dan got out of bed and quickly hugged her.

"We'll figure it out." He whispered in her hair and kissed the top of her head.

Blair opened her mouth to respond but stopped once she heard Rose crying over the baby monitor.

"I've got her." She whispered, tears still on her cheeks.

"I'll help you."

"I'd prefer if you didn't."

She left the room leaving Dan standing sad and confused about what just happened. He didn't know how they ended up arguing but he knew that this was a fight that was going to happen at some point. He just didn't know it would happen this soon. Yawning he got back in to bed and waited for Blair to return, he could hear her humming softly over the baby monitor and Rose's screams eventually quiet down. When she still hadn't returned twenty minutes later Dan gave up and walked in to the nursery.

Blair was sitting in her rocking chair and looked down at Rose sleeping in her basinet. She looked slightly startled when she saw him in the doorway.

"Coming to yell at me about my past some more?" She got up and Dan followed her back to the bedroom.

"You know that's not what I meant." He looked at her sincerely and took her hand. "I just want you to be safe."

"He will come back sometime Dan, you know that. He will want to see his daughter."

"And you'll let him?"

"No of course not. Not unless he's changed, I mean really changed."

"I can't believe it." Dan said in disbelief. "You are still willing to forgive him. After everything he's done."

"I told you I will never forgive him." Her voice rose with every word. "But I think that Rose deserves to have her dad in her life if she wants him!"

"What about me?!" Dan yelled back and it caused Blair to step back, her eyes slightly wider than normal. "Huh? What about me? I'm right here Blair!"

"Dan, you're not her dad. We discussed this." Her words ripped through him like a knife.

"Then what am I Blair?"

"You're my best friend, you are the best man I've ever known. You put me back together after I was completely broken. You are the man I love." He closed his eyes at her words, how she could be so hurtful and then seconds later make him happy was driving him crazy. He felt dizzy. "I love you and I want you but that doesn't change the fact that you are not Rose's father." She had gotten closer to him without him noticing. She put her hand on his cheek and he looked down at her. "Even though I sometimes wish you were. But we decided that telling her was best, that there wouldn't be any lying." She whispered.

"I know." He leaned his forehead against hers.

"I'm sorry." She kissed his lips softly. "I'm sorry for fighting with you and I'm sorry for Chuck. I'm sorry for everything."

"You have nothing to be sorry about." He took her hand and led her to the bed. "I just want to hold you."

Dan laid on his side and Blair laid down with her back pressed to his chest. She closed her eyes as the smell of him enveloped her like a blanket. She closed her eyes and slowly drifted off to sleep.

"Blair?" Dan said after a few minutes causing her to wake up.

"Yes?"

"Do you really love me?" She felt him smiling against her neck and it caused her to smile as well.

"Yes. Don't make me regret it."

"I love you too." He kissed her neck softly. "See you tomorrow."

The smile didn't leave her face until she fell asleep with his arm around her waist and his deep breathing against her neck.

* * *

**Author's note 2: Baby Rose is here! Yay! I want to thank my mom, the birthing was based on my dad and hers experience with me and also one of my (only) friends who ships Dair that helped me with this chapter. Please review, even if you don't have anything nice to say, I welcome criticism.**


	17. Chapter 17

**Authors Note: Hey guys! Thank you so much for the reviews, they really mean the world to me. This fic is my baby and I will definitely finish it but I kind of put it on the back burner and focused on my other fic which is why it took a while to update. I'm sorry! **

* * *

Oh and if Dan and Blair seem a bit on edge I just want to remind you that they're sleep deprived which make people crankier. Hope you enjoy this and tell me what you think!

"Oh God I'm exhausted." Blair groaned as she made her way to the bed where Dan was already laying reading a book.

"I told you I could take care of it." He replied not looking away from the page.

"Do you have breasts Humphrey?" She glared at him from her spot on the bed.

"We have the milk you've pumped."

Blair and Dan had been living together for two months, sleeping in the same bed, barely spending time apart and it had been the happiest time of Blair's life. But between not getting enough sleep, taking care of Rose and those small annoying habits Dan had, they had been bickering more than usual. Things like not putting his coffee cup in the washer, claiming that he would use it again later, or like now when he was absorbed in one of his books and he ignored her, it pushed her buttons.

"I wanted to do it since clearly, you have better things to do." She muttered and turned the light on her bedside table off before laying down facing away from him. Blair heard Dan sigh heavily and felt the bed shift and then he was behind her holding her close.

"What's the matter Blair?" He kissed her neck softy before resting his head on her pillow behind her.

"Nothing." She said, determined to remain irritated with him, no matter how sweet he was being.

"Is it because Serena and Lily are coming back tomorrow?" He breathed in the scent of her shampoo and closed his eyes.

Serena and Lily were supposed to go to Australia and stay there for two weeks but because of reasons upon reasons Blair didn't understand they had remained there for another week. Blair had been on edge ever since they left and even though she had texted and emailed with Serena every day she had a feeling something wasn't right. She knew that Dan could read her like a book which was why he had been extra sweet and caring but she had been a lot more easily irritated with him anyway. Her doctor said something about not getting enough sleep and her hormones were making her sensitive but wouldn't the hormones be gone by now? She knew that she would be extra sensitive as long as she breast fed and that her hormones were making her crazy but still. She didn't want to be a bitch to the people around her but she felt like she couldn't help it.

"Yes." She finally revealed quietly and Dan tightened her hold on her. She immediately pushed his arm away and moved a bit further from him on the bed.

"Come on Blair, let me hold you." Dan buried his head in her pillow to avoid taking out his frustrations on her.

"I don't want you to touch me, I'm too fat." She didn't turn to look at him but she could picture him rolling his eyes.

"You're not fat Blair." Dan felt like he had been walking on eggshells with Blair for weeks, one wrong look or word and she would be yelling or crying. The bliss of having Rose was still there and Blair was happy and smiling and so very in love with her daughter but she barely slept. She had him there but she still did the majority of the things that were baby related. Dan had promised to be there for her and the baby on Blair's terms but he had just assumed that she wanted more help than she asked for.

"I am. I'm huge." She knew that the baby weight wouldn't magically disappear but it was still hard for her. For the last couple of weeks she had felt like the most un sexy woman in the world.

"You're beautiful." Dan once again put his arm around her and tightened his grip when she started to squirm.

"Then why don't you kiss me anymore?" She turned her head to look at him in the darkness, the moonlight being the only light.

"Because every time I try, you move away." He nuzzled her nose lightly.

She knew he was right and she knew that she was being ridiculous, this was Dan. Her best friend, her knight, she could see the love in his eyes whenever he looked at her, could feel the affection in his touches. She sighed heavily.

"I'm sorry, I'm being childish." She turned around in his arms so they were facing each other. She kissed him lightly.

"Just try to get some sleep, and let me get Rose this time." She nodded, her eyes staying closed as he kissed her once, twice before moving away just a couple of inches knowing that Blair needed a little space when she slept. "I love you, good night." He whispered but Blair had already fallen asleep, it caused Dan to smile. She was so beautiful when she slept.

* * *

The following day Blair was sitting in Vanessa's and Nate's livingroom with Rose lying in Vanessa's arms. She watched as Vanessa made silly faces and sang some horrible song Blair had never heard before and Nate was taking pictures on his iPhone.

"You look like hell by the way." Vanessa said suddenly and she was lightly pushed by Nate as a warning. Vanessa rolled her eyes at her boyfriend and turned back to Blair. "Dan said you haven't been sleeping."

"I have a baby that wakes up ever couple of hours, it's hard to find time to sleep." Blair leaned back on the soft cushions. Truth was she had gotten more sleep last night than since before Rose was born.

"Dan said that you're taking care off almost everything." Nate started, unsure how he should approach the subject without Blair getting upset."Do you not want him around Rose or something?"

"Why would you even ask that?" Blair's eyes widened slightly at the question and Vanessa cursed the man next to her. Subtilty was definitely not his strong suit.

"It just seems like you're taking on too much responsibility..." She said trying to salvage the situation that was quickly going down hill.

"It's my child Vanessa." Blair crossed her arms.

"What we mean is, you have Dan. He's going to be there, he wants to be there." Nate said as he looked at Blair and realization suddenly dawned on him. "He's not going to leave Blair. Even if you push him away in that way only you know how, he's not leaving."

Sometimes Blair forgot that Nate had known her most of her life, that at one point they were in love and told each other everything. He had been one of her closest friends and lover. He knew her. She ran her hand through her hair and sighed.

"I know that he's not going to leave in my head. I know that he wont betray me like that but in my heart I don't trust him. Not fully." The pair across from her looked at her confused and she continued. "After Chuck, I don't know if I'll ever be able to trust anyone completely again and that's one of the reasons I hate him. I hate him making me doubt myself and the people around me, I hate him for making me love him unconditionally. I hate him for ruining love for me." Nate had moved and put his arm around her stroking her shoulder in slow even strokes. "I'm sorry. I am actually more happy now then I think I've ever been, but sometimes I just..." She trailed of and leaned against Nate.

"No one expects you to be fine yet you know." He whispered. "You might be going to therapy and you have healed a lot during these months but you are allowed to be angry. You are allowed to talk to us about it. Especially after finding out about Lily."

Blair didn't realize she had been crying until Nate wiped away the tears with his thumb and she gave him a grateful smile.

"Thank you." She leaned her head on his shoulder. The three of them sat in silence all of them slightly surprised by Blair's outburst when suddenly there was a knock on the door and then the lock turned.

"Hello?" They heard Dan calling out.

"You gave Dan a key?" Vanessa had a look of irritation mixed with amusement and it caused Blair to chuckle. She knew that Dan and Nate's friendship was strong, regular jokes about them being the married couple in their group had them all entertained.

"For emergencies." Nate tried to explain as he moved to sit next to Vanessa again. "My turn." He said and Vanessa reluctantly handed him Rose who had fallen asleep.

"And what kind of emergency is this?" Blair teased and then smiled as she watched Nate carefully hold Rose.

"Hey guys." Dan walked in, easily making himself at home in the living room. He sat down next to Blair and kissed her. "Hello beautiful." He whispered and she blushed.

"Hey you." She leaned in to him and took his hand, playing with his fingers.

"How did the meeting go?" Vanessa asked as she observed the couple.

"Really good, my publicist thinks that this book might be a big hit." He barely glanced at Vanessa, his eyes fastened on Blair. "Hey are you alright?" He turned her face toward him.

"Yeah I'm fine. Just had a little moment but I'm all good now." She smiled easy. It was true, the moment she heard Dan's voice she had felt warm and tingly all over. She felt like she was sixteen again. "Have you talked to Rufus?"

"Yeah, Serena and Lily are landing tonight and Serena wanted to see you two for dinner tomorrow." He gestured to Vanessa and Blair.

"She couldn't let us know herself?" Vanessa frowned when Dan stood up and took Rose from Nate. "Hey, this is our time with her."

"Shut up." Dan smirked as he sat down next to Blair again. "I missed you today." He proceeded to say looking down at Rose and kissing her head softly.

"No fair." Nate pouted and Blair laughed.

"Who would have ever thought that Nate Archibald got upset that he didn't get to hold a baby." She leaned her head on Dans shoulder her smile never faltered. Even with everything going on, being tired and worried about what Serena was going to say about Chuck she had never been happier. She had amazing friends who had been there without question from the start and Dan who had been her biggest supporter, even when she treated him like crap. And she had Rose. Dan had been right in the delivery room, she had Blair's eyes but there was no doubt that she was Chuck's daughter. Blair could swear that Rose's eyes were the only thing she had gotten from Blair.

"Hey, what are you thinking about?" Dan nudged her.

"Just... She looks a lot like him doesn't she?"

"She does." Dan agreed not sure if it was upsetting Blair or not.

"She's beautiful." Vanessa said from across from them. "She's going to be a heartbreaker, especially if Serena has anything to say about it." She wanted to change the subject, they were heading for what felt like a disastrous discussion.

"No way." Dan shook his head. "She's not dating until she's 18." When Blair, Vanessa and Nate all cracked up his eyes widened. "She's not!"

"Honey I'm sorry to tell you this," Blair leaned her chin on his shoulder "but you're not allowed to lock her up and this is the Upper East Side." She loved how worked up Dan got, he looked like he would freak out any second.

"Out of the question." He ignored how all the others continued to laugh at him.

* * *

Blair was sitting in the restaurant with Vanessa, waiting anxiously for Serena. She had left Dan with Rose and it was the first time she would spend more than thirty minutes away from her. She missed her like crazy already and felt like she was on the verge of tears.

"Is it really that hard?" Vanessa didn't know if she felt bad for her friend or if she should laugh at her.

"I know it's ridiculous but I can't stop thinking about her." Blair looked down at the menu.

"Think of it this way, you need to talk to Serena, but it shouldn't take that long. Two hours tops." When Blair's eyes widened in horror Vanessa cringed. Clearly that was the wrong thing to say.

"Two hours!? I'll never make it two hours."

"Okay, one hour." Vanessa let out a sigh of relief when she saw Serena enter the restaurant and to her surprise Jenny was walking behind her.

"Hey guys." Serena hugged them both tight before sitting down next to Blair.

"I hope it's alright that I came too." Jenny was still not sure how comfortable Blair was with her presence but to her alleviation Blair smiled and gestured for her to sit down.

"How was Australia?" Vanessa asked once then all had sat down.

"It was warmer than here. Not that I got to enjoy the weather, mostly I just followed my mom to different meetings or stayed in my room." Serena who had been looking through the menu put it down and looked at Blair. "I saw him. And Jack."

"And how was that?" Blair felt like she already knew what Serena was going to say but she couldn't help but take a few deep breaths.

"He apologized to me, to everybody really. He asked about you and Rose. He told me about his therapy and his rehab. He said that he's changed." She took Blairs hand over the table.

"You sound like Lily." Vanessa frowned.

"Believe me I didn't trust him in the least." Serena ran her hand through her hair. "I still don't. But I did notice a change." When she felt the three pairs of eyes all glaring at her she quickly continued. "That does not mean that you owe him anything." She stroked Blair's hand. "He doesn't deserve that. But he did gave me this." She picked up her purse and ruffled through it until she found what she was looking for.

"A letter?" Blair scowled as she looked at the white envelope in Serena's hand. She didn't even want to touch it.

"He asked me to give it to you and he wants you to read it."

"Well obviously." Jenny murmured from across from Serena.

The four woman sat in silence for a while, all staring at the letter.

"I don't want it." Blair finally said. "Throw it away, rip it, burn it I don't care. Just don't give it to me." She looked around the restaurant. "Where is our waiter?"

"You can't pretend this isn't real Blair." Serena pushed the letter forward a couple of inches. "I know that you'll regret not reading it. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but you will regret it."

Blair glared at Serena who glared back. She knew that Serena wanted what was best for her but this felt like too much. Like she was pushing her forward Chuck and even though Blair knew that Serena would always be on her side she felt betrayed. Serena wouldn't back down on the matter, that she could tell by the way Serena was looking at her so she decided to give in.

"Fine." She took the letter and shoved it in her purse. She could burn it when she got home.

"Are you ready to order?" The waiter had chosen a perfect time to show up, Blair could use this as a way to change the subject. She didn't want to talk about Chuck anymore.

"So Jenny, how's the spring line going?" She asked when they all had ordered.

"Blair..." Vanessa interrupted.

"Let's just eat. Chuck has been taking up enough of our time." She continued to look at Jenny, begging her to talk about something else. She seemed to take the hint and started talking about Diane Von Furstenberg new line and how she had listened to Jenny's ideas. And just like that, Blair had avoided breaking down in the middle of the restaurant and she gave Jenny a grateful smile.

* * *

When Blair got home she rushed to the nursery only to find it empty. She went to her bedroom to find Dan sitting on the bed writing on his lap top with Rose next to him in the middle of the bed. The pacifier in her mouth looked too big and it was probably the cutest thing Blair had ever seen. She definitely could get used to this. She quickly took of photo with her phone.

"You're home." Dan smiled when he noticed her presence in the door. "How was it?" He asked once she had reached the bed, taking of her heels on the way. She carefully cradled Rose in her arms and scooted closer to Dan.

"It was hard. I missed her." She looked at him before kissing him softly. "And you."

Dan smiled at her and kissed her again, this time lingering in her space a little longer.

"We missed you too." He looked down at Rose "I don't think she wanted to sleep until she knew that you were home. She's been crying like crazy."

"Aww baby, mommy's home now." She kissed Rose on the nose. "Want to go put her to bed?"

"You go. I know you're dying too." Dan smiled as her whole face lit up and she moved off the bed.

It didn't take long before she was back smiling a little.

"She's out like a light." She said as she moved to remove her dress and change in to her sleep wear.

"So what did Serena say?" Dan asked as he watched her move further in to her closet, knowing that she didn't want him to see her in her underwear.

"Not much. She said that Chuck's been trying to change but she didn't know if it was for real." She came back dressed in a silk pajamas and went to remove her jewelry.

"And what about the letter?" Blair stopped dead in her tracks and stared at him. "Serena called me." He explained and Blair's shoulders slumped.

"I don't want to read it."

"Why?" He stood up and hugged her, he felt her relax slightly against him.

"I'm afraid." Her voice was muffled against his chest. "What if I go back to how I was before?" She stepped back to look at him.

"You know sometimes I think you forget how strong you are." He sighed as he held her hands. "You have gone through so much and you're still here. You wont go back to the way it was because you have grown so much. Now if you really don't want to read it I will throw it out myself, but I think that you need to read it. For closure, for yourself, for Rose."

She nodded as she took in his words. He was right, if she didn't read it she would always wonder what it said.

"You want a minute?" Dan whispered and she nodded again. "I'll go make tea."

Blair watched him go, not moving for a while. Her eyes landed on her purse and she felt like it was staring at her. Running her hand through her hair she finally gathered the courage to pick up the purse and opened the letter. She sat down on the bed with her back against the headboard and started to read.

_Blair,_

_First, thank you for reading this, I understand that it must be hard for you. _

_I want to apologize to you for so many things I don't even know where to begin. I want to apologize for taking advantage of you all those years ago after Victor, Victrola. You were drunk and I knew that you weren't thinking straight but I didn't care. I want to apologize for what happened with Jack, with Jenny, for our time in Paris. I want to apologize for everything but I don't think there's enough paper in the world for that. _

_I understand now that you and I are not magnetic, we are not inevitable. We were toxic and damaged and somehow we didn't think we deserved better. Especially you. So I want to apologize for taking these years from you. In Paris I took you for granted and I hurt you more than words could say and I know now that what I did was wrong. That I was a horrible person to everybody around me but especially you. I don't expect you to forgive and forget, actually I don't expect you to ever forgive me but I wanted to apologize. I needed to apologize._

_You have every reason to hate me and to never talk to me again. But I'm asking you to at least consider letting me see Rose. I know it's a lot to ask and I understand that you have your doubts. You'd be crazy not too. But I'm really trying to change, I don't drink or smoke anymore, I go to AA meetings three times a week and I'm in therapy, both anger management and regular. Going to rehab was my first step and I have many more to go, but please Blair, at least consider what I'm asking of you._

_Serena told me about Dan and you and I'm glad. I want you to be happy and I can see now that the time you spent with him were the time you were the best version of yourself, while you were your worst with me. I will always love you but it's a different kind of love now. So Blair, be happy and allow yourself to love fully again, don't let me hurt you anymore._

_Chuck._

When Blair finished the tears were falling freely from her eyes. Every word hurt to read especially since she wanted to believe what he said but knew that she couldn't. It was probably another game and she couldn't risk falling in his trap again.

Dan came in with two cups of tea and saw her crying on the bed and hurried over to pull her close to him in a hug.

"Are you okay?" He felt her start to sob and shake her head. "You did the right thing reading that." He kissed the top of her head and rubbed her back in soothing circles until the sobbing slowed down and then completely stopped. She looked up at him, her eyes puffy and her make up smudged but she had never looked more beautiful.

"I don't know what to believe." She sniffled. "A part of me wants to believe what he wrote but that's the part of me that always have believed that he was a good man, but the biggest part of me knows that he's probably just playing games."

"I don't know what to say." He whispered. "I guess only time will tell."

"Yeah." She didn't want to sleep but she felt her eyes close on their own accord, the events of the day hitting her.

"You should sleep on it." He kissed her softly and she felt a little better. His lips against her had that affect. Suddenly they heard Rose crying over the baby monitor and they broke away.

"I'll get her." Dan said and started to get off the bed.

"We'll both go." Blair said and took his hand. She watched as Dan picked up Rose and a little smile came to her face. Even though Chuck had ripped up old wounds she still had them, her family. And no one could take that away.

* * *

**Authors Note 2: So I'm really nervous about this chapter, please give me your feedback. It was a hard chapter to write, especially the letter so I would love critique, both good and bad!**


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